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Dunkin Donuts Starts Rolling Out New Stores With Just the Name Dunkin (And the Legend of Zonker)

dunkii

BOSTON (CBS) There’s something a little different about the newest Dunkin’ Donuts in Boston. The store at Tremont and West streets is dropping the “Donuts” and will just be called “Dunkin’.” While that may be jarring to longtime fans of the Canton-based chain, it’s part of a rebranding test that began in August. Dunkin’ executives have said they’re trying to get the point across that they serve more than just donuts.The new Dunkin’ in Boston is set to open in early December. Another Dunkin’ scheduled to open in January on Route 3A in Quincy is also testing The company will decide next year if it wants to make the name change permanent.

So this is kind of an old story that is back in the news because Dunkin Donuts is starting to roll out stores with just the name Dunkin. I feel like this is something real Massholes will be super fired up about. Guys in Southie and Charlestown blaming it on all the damn millennials and shit. I’ll admit I’d also prefer they keep Donuts in the name just because it looks right on the cup for some reason. The cup can’t just say Dunkin.  That seems sacrilegious. But I can’t throw stones at glass houses. Because I’ve wanted to formally change the name of Barstool Sports to just Barstool forever. My one problem? I can’t get the domain name because Zonker won’t sell it to me. Who is Zonker you ask? Just another storyline in the never ending storyline that is Barstool Sports. Zonker owns the domain Barstool.com. He’s owned it forever. He’s become part of Barstool lore.  I’ve offered to buy it from him at least 10 times.  I contacted him again after Chernin bought us and told him to name his price.  He won’t do it.  I think at one point he said he asked for tickets to a Blackout Party and I didn’t respond to him so now I’m dead to him.   I’m not even making it up.  They guy won’t sell it.   I’m not sure if he’s just the most independently wealthy dude whoever lived or just hates money.   I mean he’s been saying he has plans for it but it’s looked like this for the past decade.

barstoolcom

Another fascinating part of about Zonker is he used to reply to all emails that were sent to barstool.com instead of Barstool Sports.  He was the best writer we had that nobody ever heard about.  Here is what I wrote about him in 2011.  I also updated it in 2014.

Introducing Zonker: The Best Barstool Writer Nobody Knows About

zonker

So I’ve been meaning to write this blog forever. To introduce the Stoolies to my man Zonker.   Who is Zonker you ask? Well I really have no idea.   All I know is he must own the domain name barstool.com and he must have a shit ton of time on his hands.  Because for roughly the past three years every time somebody screws up our email address and sends an email to tips@barstool.com Zonker gets it and responds with some wise ass comment and he always cc’s me on them. I’ve never emailed him back.  We’ve never spoken.  But for as long as I can remember he’s done this.  Yesterday Kmarko freaked out because he thought his email got hacked. I was like relax bro.  That’s only Zonker doing his thing….

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Anyway here is just a bunch of samples I grabbed from the last couple days to give you a feel for his game…


From: Jordan
To: tips@barstool.com
Sent: Monday, July 11, 2011 1:56 AM
Subject: Kate Upton

Hey Pres,

Viva La Stool. If you haven’t seen this already i hope you enjoy. Kate is one of my all time favorite smokes.

From Zonker

I guess if you cant get real girls you might as well fantasize about a princess. Maybe you can get a Kate doll


From: Dan

To: “tips@barstool.com”
Sent: Monday, July 11, 2011 8:17 PM
Subject: Beirut slam dunk

Yo pres the stools cool whatever. This is a video of my buddy, nobodys playing but look at this kids ups

Mike and dan, Yarmouth Maine

ps Yarmouth clam fest is this weekend come if you want to get fucked up

From Zonker

you really think anyone wants to hang with you and your stupid buddy?


From: Katherine
To: kmarko@barstool.com
Sent: Friday, July 15, 2011 9:59 AM

Hi Keith,

Thanks for getting back to me! No worries about the delay, I am sure you are busy and the last thing on your mind is checking facebook messages. So I think I told you I’m currently interning in a fashion closet at XX  magazine, which I’ve fully come to realize is something I really don’t want to do. I’ve always wanted to write for a men’s magazine, like Esquire or GQ, but I’m looking now more towards the web since there’s so much more writing involved. I’ve never worked for a website though, so I thought (if you find you have free time) we could maybe meet for lunch or drinks sometime and you could tell me about your experience in web. Its intimidating entering this kind of field, and always helps to get advice and hear stories from people who have actually found jobs they love. Since Barstool is the kind of site I’d love to work for, I’d really love to hear about your experience.

Let me know your thoughts, and maybe we can set up a time to meet up! Again, thanks for taking the time to message me back.

Best,
Katherine

From Zonker

what r u willing to do to get the job?


From: Zack
To: “tips@barstool.com”
Sent: Monday, July 25, 2011 9:44 PM
Subject: Leisure Dive!


What do you think of my leisure dive?

From Zonker

Mommy mommy look at me…..grow up


From: Michael

To: “tips@barstool.com”

Sent: Friday, July 8, 2011 11:27 PM

Subject: Petey interview

Watch the Petey interview….Katy Perry’s hot ass sister is living on Dustin’s package. She could care less about what he’s saying. I need a full frontal of her immediate.

-MM

From: Zonker

you need a lot more than that dude

From: Michael Morrill

To: Zonker

Wow…harsh. Does ur boss know you talk to readers like that? Wasn’t looking to take ur sweet blog thunder bro…..whoever u are….zonker?

From: Zonker

To: Michael

Yo if you still haven’t figured out that you mis-addressed your email and that I have nothing to do with barstoolsports than your dumber than most of their readers…..and that’s saying something