Macklemore Has A Painting Of A Naked Justin Bieber Balancing Pancakes On His Dick Hanging In His Bedroom To Help Him Last Longer During Sex

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Here I thought that LaVar Ball Is Going To Be On CNN Tonight would be the craziest headline I wrote today. Shame on me for not respecting what the internet has to offer at any given minute. Even T-Pain didn’t know what the fuck hit him. You know your story is good when you leave Teddy Penderazzdown mumbling and searching for words.

But the biggest upset in all this is that owning a painting of a naked Justin Bieber with pancakes on his dick would somehow make Macklemore more relatable. Yeah blowing up without a major record label is the dream of every common man. But Macklemore’s haircut, outfits, and SONGS PLAYING EVERY FIVE FUCKING SECONDS ON THE RADIO back in the day killed most of that goodwill pretty quickly. However if you can’t get behind a guy going with a foolproof way to stop himself from premature ejaculation, you are just a hater that probably lasts long in bed, which makes me hate you. Hateception if you may. I don’t care if you have stare at a picture of the Biebs balancing flapjacks on his sausage, Bieber as a pancake fucking minotaur a la ARod, or a 3D Magic Eye painting of some good looking pancakes and more than a hint of man bush. If it helps you last longer in the bedroom for even 10 more seconds and increases the chances that both parties walk away with a fortune cookie, you have to do it. So keep doing your thing, Macklemore. And you can drop the whole “It was a white elephant gift” story. If you want it freaky in the bedroom, there is no shame in it at all.

And while I know there are no free ads, I would be remiss not to include a link to the Etsy painting just in case one of my bosses coworkers wanted to buy a painting for his own personal viewing pleasure.