David Lee Announced His Retirement From The NBA On Instagram

Damn man that just made me sad even though I don’t really remember the last time David Lee was even close to a difference maker on the court. It’s a weird sadness because it’s not like David Lee died and I am sad about not being able to see a grown man I haven’t thought about in months play a sport. Maybe I’m just bummed. That’s it. I’m bummed that Lee’s career is over and it was announced with no fanfare on fucking Instagram.

Yeah I know Lee spent last season with the Spurs before sitting out this season as a free agent. And before that he was kind of the whipping boy for advanced stat nerds saying he was actually bad despite what some of his numbers said. But I will always remember D Lee as the one shining light during those dark days of the Isiah Thomas Era. Those numbers may have been hollow to nerds, but they were still real to me dammit! Sure his defense wasn’t the greatest and a lot of the points came on awful teams. But he was a white boy that could jump, grab boards, and get buckets when the Knicks were a fucking joke (even more than usual, believe it or not!).

When Lee signed that huge contract with the Warriors, a lot of Knicks fans were sad that he was leaving but they were happy that he was getting paid. And even though Lee was never a great player, he definitely cracks my Top 10 favorite Knicks just because he was the lone bright spot during those darrrrrk times.

And of course I will never forget the time D Lee tipped in a game-winner with 0.1 seconds left and almost caused Gus Johnson’s head to explode on live television. That was AWESOME.

Oh yeah and how he somehow beat James “Flight” White in a dunk contest in high school. That has to go somewhere on his tombstone.

Then again, I guess I can’t feel too bad for a guy that retired at the age of 34, made almost $100 million throughout his career, got an NBA championship ring, and is engaged to a smokeshow professional athlete. Actually what the fuck David? Give some of that good juju to me.

P.S. Throwing a retirement surprise party was an all-time great move out of Caroline Wozniacki. No way D Lee can come back to the NBA after his fiancé threw him a surprise party for hanging them up. If anyone throws you a surprise party for something, there is a permanent No Backsies on that decision or else you will feel like a big asshole. That goes double if it’s your new fiancé, quadruple if she may be a witch.

In fact, whenever you make any big decision, you should think about whether or not you are ready to stick with it if someone throws you a big surprise party for it with all your friends and family invited. If you have even the slightest bit of hesitation, you should re-think your decision.