Wellcome to the Monday Morning BM, just a word of warning your probably not prepared to handle the strong football takes and barrelfire NFL truths that you never knew your Mondays were missing. This column is written for and by a REAL fan of the NFL. Its designed to be read on your Monday Morning commode break after a long Sunday eating bad-for-you food and drinking beers. If you care more about SPELLING then you do about TELLING theres the door because this columns not for you.
Its no secret around these parts that I’m a bit of a stats hound. I keep track of most of the datas that come pouring in every NFL Sunday, and in many ways you can learn alot about who won and who lost just by knowing which numbers in the box score to look at.
One of the greatest stats to keep track of is QB wins, so you can see if your signal-caller has all the intangibles neccesary to inspire your teamates to play better all around you. Some all time GOATs in the QB win percentage department include Mark Sanchez, Jay Schroeder, and Joe Webb- guys who werent very good, but still somehow managed to make there offense better almost in spite of them.
But we’re moving on past this basic stuff now into more advance stats and sabermetrics and into something new that allows us to take a more granular look at QB wins and why they occurr- The QB Shutout. Joe Flacco leads all NFL QBs with 3 shutouts of opposing teams this year- the Dolphins, Packers, and Bengals. Some eggheads living with there noses up there own butts might come down from their TI-83 hangovers and take a note of the QB shutout if they want to know how to properly value there QBs contribution to the defense. For example if your QB is constantly pinning the other team deep with red zone turnovers, or maybe throws so many INTs in practice that his defensive backs get real good at catching them, those are items that dont necessarily show up as positives in the Total QBR metric- but its still valuable nonetheless. And this year, Flacco has turned that defense into one of the best units in the entire NFL under his leadership.
You know whose never had three QB shutouts in a season? Tom Brady. Peyton Manning. Joe Montana. I rest my case.
Joe Flacco for whatever reason, has always developed defensive talent around him better then anyone else in the league dating back to the Superbowl when he led his cornerbacks to getting away with pass interference on a 4 down goal line stop in the Superdome. What people dont realize is that since Flacco basicaly makes his entire offense out of drawing PI calls against the other team, the officials get numb to all the jersey pulling in the backfield and tend to let the boys play a little bit more, enabling his own secondary to get away with more grabbing as we saw on Kapernicks attempts to Crabtree. Sure the CBs get the credit- but that was Flaccos fingerprints all over it. Perhaps its because at times they feel like they have to score to win, or maybe its because they arent able to give contract extentions to star defensive players because of Flaccos ludicrous contract so they play extra hard in contract years going into free agency, but you cant argue with results no matter what Sean McDermott says.
How else can a QB make your defense better? Well leadership for one. Knowing how to properley communcate with your guys on D is a very important part of leading a offense, and many QBs just dont know what the D needs to hear. Flacco absolutely nails this by not ever saying any words to Bart Scott or anyone else on that side of the lockeroom, and therefore never says the wrong thing. The QB shutouts put up by Baltimore this year remind me of the 2000 season when Trent Dilfer set a all-time modern era record with 4, and now hes got Beltway Joe breathing down his neck. Tim Tebow- generaly regarding as the best QB of all time if you measured by only immeasurables- never had a QB shutout perhaps because of his proclivity to pick and fumble six, or maybe because he knew its impossible to lead a amazing comeback if you never give up a point. Either way- Joe Flacco is very quietly having the best defensive season of his career.
On to the awards:
Road Grader of the Week: Sean McDermott
Theres sticking to your guns and then theres sticking to your 2nd amendment and Sean knows better then most that in a cold weather envoiroment like Buffalo, somestimes showing your bear arms can be a psychological advantage.
McDermott said “I dont regret my decision, I regret the result.” Same could be said about deciding not to visit Michigan or Wisconisn int he month of October if your Hillary Clinton, or simply running for President if your Donald Trump. Fortunateley in the NFL your judged primarily on your decisions, not on wether or not your decisions end up being good. Many people are trying to Monday Quarterback the benching of Tyrod but there was no way to tell that he was going to be a bad QB besides the fact that the went to Universty of Pittsburgh and then was drafted by the Buffalo Bills.
10 Things I Know I Know
1. Ronald Darby shoud just save himself and everyone else alot of time and make a app of wether or not Jameis is currently breaking the law. Darby has introduced himself twice now as a alibi for Winston to couch for his wereabouts when someone has accused him of committing a crime, and now Winstons second accuser is asking the NFL to review the metadata in Darbys cell phone to verify he was where he said he was at the time of the 2016 Uber incidint. Winston needs to have a notary public follow him around to grocery stores, Ubers, student unions, aparment’s, and sidelinesand just sign a form like someone verfying the cleanliness of a bathroom at McDonalds every 20 mins.
2. Donald Trump know’s that Ball securty equals job securty, and he singlehandedley rescued Liangelo from Chinese prisons, but Lavar Ball will not give Trump credit for freeing his son its like how God never gave credit to the Roman’s for doing such a poor job of guarding the rock covering Jesuses tomb. Now many people are speculating that Lvar Ball could potentally run for President in 2020 as a publicity stunt for his and his childrens business but theres nothing in modern-day politics that would suggest that such a endeavor would be successfull. He does have the credentals to represent the USA however, since selling a average product at a premium price is what made America great to begin with, and also you can see he’s taught his son Melo the traditonally American importance of starting a conflict and then walking away and letting your allies suffer the consquences.
Speaking of kid’s who are only famous because of there loudmouth dads, you have to wonder did Lavar Ball get Jim Mora fired? Folks, forget about Arizona State, Jim Mora coudnt even blow out his candles. The entire Liangelo legal process over in China may of been just the distraction the U of CLA needed to cowardley fire Jim Mora Jr on his birthday, leaving him with the detestable present of $12 million to no longer coach football.
Coach Buyouts are like farming subsidys- you pay guys to not coach so that the value of other coaches is higher. Hmm speaking of unusual things lawmaker’s have done, how come when a millionaire goes to visit high school kids and convince them to get exploited for the adults personal gain we call them coach but when a district attroney does it it’s a senator
3. As a fan and partial owner of the Green Bay Packers I must say that the blatant racism and negligence being shown by Green Bay personell department in regards to the Quaterback position is disgusting. The name of the game in the NFL is to win football games, and if your ignoring a possibilty out there that could make your team better just out of simple racism, then you deserve all the scorn and ridicule that comes along with it. In the case of the Green Bay Packers it is inexcusable that they would continue to start Brett Hundley when theres a option out there waiting to have his number called- Joe Callahan.
Joe Callahan has the all-time lowest number of interceptions thrown in NFL history & graudated from football powerhouse Wesley University, but somehow Mike McCarthy through sheer stubborness or reverse racism perhaps refuses to select his best option. Callahan is a playmaker in every sense of the word. I know its not politicaly correct or whatever to start a irish QB after flameouts by Jimmy Clausen, Brady Quinn, and Deshone Kizer, but you cant judge a book by its cover, even if that book is just Mike McCarthys playbook and the cover is the only page and it literaly says “hand Aaron Rogers a football and keep your mouth shut”. The NFL is supposedbly a meritocracy so why not trust your offense to a guy who has never lost a superbowl, or Division 1 college game for that matter, otherwise Id say Callahan has a pretty strong case for collusion.
4. Dont look now but New Orleans has won 8 straight and look to be Superbowl contenders. But no ones talking about the Saints secret weapon in the front office- thats right- they brought Jeff Ireland in to help evaluate talent and therefore have less players whose mothers are prostutes. Thats stuff you cant measure for at the combine. If your moms a prostute it means that you come into this world through a big crease and dont have to work on hitting the hole hard. The most effecent guy of all time was born from a virgin- knew he had to scratch and claw for everything from day one.
Speaking of the big easy, Everyones calling the Saints runningbacks Red Beans and Rice- the Kamara Man and the Director of photography Mark II Ingram two guys repsonsible for some of the best stuff thats been put on film in New Orleans since that weird sequence in Easy Rider where they snake-charm dead people back to life and smoke drugs with them or whatever. And I woudnt put it past John Kuhn to effort his way back from a torn bicep just in times for the playoffs to start and folks you want to talk about opening up holes its gonna be like John Henry Kuhn the human drillbit mowing down Eagles like a 747.
5. Speaking of New Orleans/Washington, Kirk Cousins played well but had a very bad closing out the fourth quater. Folks I havent seen someone in Washingotn screw up ending regulation like that since Obama! Basicaly Kirk got called for intentonal grounding taking them out of FG range to win the game and Kirk like a good young boy, accepted the call and repsected the authority of the officials. HOWEVER, Ed Werder is pissed and thinks Kirk should of acted like a petulant child and screamed at the refs. Folks I call him Skirt Cousins because he failed to a dress it. See, if you have a QB like kirk cousins its tough to tell if he’s intentionally throwing the ball anywhere. How do you think they sort that out if Brock Osweiler is intentionally doing anything. You have to establish intent its like manslaughter vs murder. There should be a untentional grounding penalty where you just penalize shit QBs for bad passes.
Folk’s where I come from they call that whisky dick
7. Quick sabermetrics for you here:
Be careful what you say to Cube hes lible to mess around and get a triple bi-del
8. Additional sabermetrics- today is the first time since 2000 that the world has woken up without Mike and Mike or Charles Manson on this planet. Saw Mansons name trending this morning & for a moment I thought maybe he had sexualy harassed someone but fortunateley hes just dead. Gotta wonder what Greenys gonna do with his 6 months off work, probably celbrate in all sorts of wild manner like raw dogging a sandwich somewhere without gloves. You talk about a bender.
9.They blew up the Georgia Dome this morning and report’s are coming in from around the league that there were dozens of Patriots standing on the rooftop’s of nearby parking garages cheering on the implosion. Speaking of collapsing upder the weight of your own pressure, it was nice to see the Bears implode before the game starts for a change
10. This is what happens when you take away the packers home yellow pants:
Whats Shakin In Sports Biz??? Browns Jags Tickets
Jaguars Browns game tickets were going for four dollars, which might seem cheap but if you compare it to the value of the United States dollar they were literay four times as strong of a currency. Makes your think maybe the US should switch to a season ticket based standard instead of the fiat principe we have backing our money now. Irregardless of the cost of admisson,Jalen Ramsey was doing every thing in his power to keep boosting the Arthur brand in Cleveland:
Here is a solemn promise I make to you- I will never see the word crampons and not think immedately on the word tampons. One way or another, Hue Jackson needs to find a way to stop the bleeding.