Smoke Tennis Player Dips Her Pizza In Soy Sauce Like A Lunatic

I don’t always blog about women’s tennis but when I do it’s because a smokeshow is tweeting about dipping her pizza in soy sauce. I much enjoy dipping my pizza in things like ranch but obviously if you’re using soy sauce you’re a psychopath. A lunatic. An alien. You can’t be trusted. That’s like dipping a PB&J sandwich in queso or something. It’s not even fucking close.

Look, everybody knows you don’t mix non-Asian food with Asian food. Can’t do it, can’t cross those lines. It’s one or the other. Once you commit to a realm of food, that’s your realm for the night. You can mix and match and dip within that realm but not outside of it. You can dip pizza in ranch, eggs in ketchup, even a burger into some pasta sauce. Go for it. Dip your heart out. And you can also dip any sort of Asian food into any Asian sauces you’d like. But you can’t bring the non-Asian category into the Asian category. You can’t dip your pizza in soy sauce. These two things must forever remain separate and anyone who breaks down that wall is a grave threat to society.

Most people see this quite clearly.

Genie Bouchard, ladies and gentlemen — A terrible dipper of pizza, but an excellent tennis player with a great personality.