The Cyclist Community Is Once Again Furious. This Time At "The Onion."

Well if it’s not my favorite group of psychopaths, back at it again!

There is absolutely no one on the planet, not a single group of people from crazy feminists to MAGAmaniacs, who are incapable of taking a joke like cyclists can’t. It’s confounding. Crack wise one time about how people on bikes, weaving in and out of cars that weigh tons, are a nuisance an your mentions will be FLOODED with whiny assholes with one pant leg rolled up. Don’t believe me? Just check the replies to that tweet.

Hell, I’m still dealing with it and I have’t said I hate them in weeks. They’re still in my comments saying they’re gonna bash my head in, they’re still going to the pages of girls I’m friends with and calling them cunts because they’re friends with me, they’re fucking insane people. Hell, after the terrorist attack in NYC they were REPORTING ME TO THE CIA. Like, en masse. Oodles and oodles of comments alerting the FBI, the CIA, and the NYPD to the fact that I ranted about cyclists on a comedy website once. They even said I gave the guy the idea, as if I invented terrorists driving big cars into people. It was fucking wild.

Advertisement

But that’s the life you lead when you come at the cyclists, that’s the risk you take. Tell cyclists that they’re dumb for not driving cars, or that they don’t own the road, or that it’s outrageous they want to be respected like a motor vehicle while following none of the motor vehicle laws, and they’re gonna come at you with the fire of a thousand suns. By that I mean cry in your mentions like the little pussies they are.