Bill Walton Apologizes On Behalf Of The Human Race For LiAngelo Ball's Lack Of Honor

There aren’t very many people I’d feel comfortable speaking on behalf of myself, let alone every current living being on the planet. But Bill Walton is very high on that list, potentially even number one. In order to be qualified to speak on behalf of the human race you have to be one with the cosmos, hear in colors and see music. I wouldn’t be surprised if Walton was able to deliver this message while controlling his vocal cords at various frequencies allowing him to speak all languages simultaneously in order to truly apologize for all of mankind live and direct to everyone like some sort of omnipotent space god reconstructing the Tower of Babel in our minds.

Not only are LiAngelo Ball and his UCLA teammates facing 3-10 in a Chinese prison for trying to boost some Louis V sunglasses, now they’ve made Bill Walton sad, disappointed, and embarrassed. They’ve displayed a lack of honor, a lack of decency, and a lack of respect. They’re a TRAVESTY. I’ve done a lot of dumb things in my day, but nothing worthy of someone else apologizing to all of humanity for, and for that I’m going to call home and brag about Bill Walton being proud of me. I suggest you do the same, we all deserve it, and what a great and positive way to kick off the weekend.

“Hey Mah, hope all is well. Yeah, it is getting a little chilly finally. What ever happened to autumn? It was like 82 last week and boom, 37 degrees in the blink of an eye. Global warming, am I right? Anyways, just wanted to call and let you know Bill Walton is proud of me for not stealing any luxury branded sunglasses in China. Must be nice to know you didn’t raise a complete and utter screw up. Have a great rest of your weekend and see you for Thanksgiving.”