Martellus Bennett Puts the Packers on Full Blast


I joked yesterday that Martellus Bennett faked his injury in order to shoot his way out of Green Bay and back to a place where he can win another ring. And I might have sort of snarkily suggested Belichick orchestrated the whole thing. Well the Packers might not agree with the second part, but they for sure buy into the my first theory. Only they are not joking. And apparently tried to get out of paying him.

And he is not going quietly into that good night. If the Packers want to challenge Martysaurus’ honesty in all this, he’s going to go full Indominus Rex on their asses. From his Instagram Story:

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Holy shit. What a great time to be alive. What an age we live in. There was a time not long ago when all a team had to do was get some beat writer who was in their pocket and get him to smear whatever athlete they wanted and spin a story anyway that helped them in exchange for a breaking story down the road and maybe a carton of Lucky Strikes. But those days are long over. Now a thoughtful, media-savvy guy like Marty Bennett will fire back with all guns blazing.

Obviously the Packers front office and medical staff fucked with the wrong man. And he’s taking the fight to them. The only thing is not obvious is what “C.R.E.A.M” means. My first reaction is that they wanted to get him on the steroids that Barry Bonds took. But for all I know it’s some acronym like LMFAO that hasn’t crossed my radar yet.

What I do know is that Martellus Bennett is arriving in Foxboro knowing that he’s got one last championship run in him before he tells the NFL to kiss his ass on the way out the door. And that he’s got a chip on his shoulder the side of a sheet of plywood. The Packers just added 20 receptions and 10 touchdowns to the end of his Patriots career. My Fantasy advice for you all: Put in a waiver claim on him because he’s about to go off. And cue the duckboats.


IMPORTANT UPDATE: Someone just informed me “C.R.E.A.M.” is from Wu-Tang and it stands for “Cash Rules Everything Around Me.” I am not ashamed. If it was a Harry Potter or LOTRs reference, I would’ve gotten it.