[Editor’s Note: “Hey fat face you’re copying KFC and I’m gonna bitch cause I can’t fit my fist in my ass anymore blah blah blah. I’ve wanted to do this for awhile but me being part time here and still wanting to do fun things like eat and pay rent means I don’t have the hours in the day necessary to go through 5000 racist comments to find the best of the best. If you want a shot to write on the stool, sac it up like Crosbysbrain did and email us at Phillytips@barstoolsports.com]
Welcome to the Philly Comments of the Week blog. Been a loyal stoolie for quite some time, and since Pres has blogged about my commenting before, I figured I owed it to the stool to give back. The comment section for the Philly site is pretty difficult to navigate. Mostly filled with people who talk and probably look like Seth from American History X. Constantly bashing Mo for writing blogs about what he knows best (basketball, hip-hop, and twerking) and Smitty for having a huge head (kinda concerning that all of these bloggers have physical deformities), but sometimes, you can find gold in the most unusual of places. I split it up into categories, because I think that making a top 10 leads to a lot of whining.
Hardo Comment of the week: Headless Snake Trick
Waxhat – ” Guess there’s not much else to do in the South when it’s not college football season and there’s a couple hours to kill before the next Duck Dynasty marathon.” WTF is duck dynasty? and I live in the South, Dipshit. Maybe we get real jobs instead of riding jew coattails and blog on a fucking “sports” site. You blowhard, Smitty.
How much Mountain Dew did you drink this morning Waxhat? First off, reading comments like this in a yelling angry voice makes them 69 times better. Also,if you don’t know what Duck Dynasty is, or have a countdown clock to Sadie Robertson’s 18th, then you obviously can’t afford cable. Does a real job entitle choosing which type of mud flaps you put on your rig? Bikini babes or Tasmanian Devil?!?!!? Chill out, dude. Also, I know it’s a saying, but you should have put a space between the “blow” and “hard”. Would have made the comment at least a little humorous.
Sexual Deviant comment of the week: Miley Cyrus takes pictures with that weird dude.
bywilburham on August 15, 2013 at 10:34 am
when she was 16 she made my dick rock hard. now it doesnt move.
Well said. Double sided comment. First that a 16 year old girl with teeth like Gary Busey made you hard as a rock says something about your sexual prowess. I don’t know what it is exactly, but it’s something. The other side is that you can’t get hard anymore. So I assume you are 70 years old. She was 16 4 years ago, so at least you started retirement on the right foot. I would say that a lot of girls on the Disney Channel were smokes before turning 18. Is it weird? Nahhhh. Give me Ren Stevens and a can of Reddi Whip and you won’t see me ever again.
Loser Comment of the week: Smitty Finds Love On GlutenFreeSingles.com
by letsjustsnuggle6969 on August 12, 2013 at 1:27 pm
“Wow Big Cat got a lot of praise for doing his pirate Craig List Ad Blog…let me rip off his idea for a dating website” Every fag bro on Barstool “Oh wow A+ Smitty haven’t seen anything like this before” Go fuck yourself its Monday
I always think that calling someone a loser is one of the worst insults you can throw out, because there really isn’t a defense to calling someone a loser. This guy/comment is a loser. “Yeah, I really got Smitty on this one! Maybe BigCat will notice me and we can be pals!” Shut up, loser. I’m sure BigCat was the first person to ever fuck with someone on craigslist. But, who am I kidding; I volunteered to read every comment on the week on the Philly site this week…… Things are great for me!
Best Mo Comment: Shark eating Shark
by Irish on August 14, 2013 at 6:43 pm
If a squid ate you it’d be a squid inside a squid inside of my dreams.
Hilarious. There are a lot of VERY racist comments about Mo, and since they all pretty much sound the same, “DIE BLACKIE!” I was looking for some originality. I laughed out loud at this. I’d imagine being called a squid has to be pretty hurtful to a black man. Think of the people Pres has called a squid. The list is mostly un-athletic; virgin nerds from the Northeast. Pretty much the opposite of what most African American youths try to be. Then again, there are only so many people that get to be rappers or basketball players.
Philadelphia in a Comment: A basketball blog from Mo?
bymorty_seinfeld on August 15, 2013 at 9:39 am
Funny, I think Philadelphia as a whole introduced this strategy centuries ago
There are a few cities that embrace losing as much as Philly. And by few; I mean Cleveland.
Best Comment (as chosen by Crosbysbrain): Lane Johnson’s son’s big hands, prolly lead to Howlitzer
byspiderbite on August 13, 2013 at 1:22 pm
Will be a legend by 7th grade when word gets out about his fingering ability with those fucking rakes.
Promoting rape culture? Check. Discussing pre 7th graders finger banging abilities? Check. This is absolute gold. Sometimes I forget about the time period before bj’s, before actually having to perform sexually. The good old days where all you needed was the ability to move a finger for a short period of time and you were king. No need to worry about how out of shape you were, as long as you didn’t get tired from moving fingers (whitesoxdave) you were a man.
Best imtough comment: