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Gabe Kapler Was Just On MLB Network Looking YOKED As Fuck


Jesus CHRIST, Gabe! 42 years old, and he’s in significantly better shape than any of the Phillies players that he’ll be managing in 2018. I mean, his traps have traps and you can SEE HIS FUCKING BICEP VEINS THROUGH HIS SHIRT!

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Unbelievable. You might be wondering what his secret is, but it’s no secret. It’s coconut oil, baby. Buckets and buckets of coconut oil. He puts it on his toast, he brushes his teeth with it, he bathes in it, and, perhaps most importantly, he bludgeons his beefstick with it. And if we’re being open and honest about this, I love the move. I’m a dry guy myself, but if Gabe Kapler cranks the shank with coconut oil, then you bet your ass I’m at least gonna try it. Not everyone is a fan of the move, though.

This fuckin’ guy ACTUALLY thinks that Gabe Kapler is incapable of managing the Phillies because he makes dick yogurt with coconut oil. You know what I have to say to that? Be a REAL journalist and find out how many players in that Phillies clubhouse pull the piss pump with coconut oil, too. Because I bet you they all do it now. The second that they found out that Kapler bops his bologna with coconut oil, they couldn’t get to a CVS fast enough to get some of their own to slap the salami with. That’s the mark of a true leader.