Advertisement

This Woman Cooked Her Roommate's Pet Ferret To Get Back At Her For Stealing Clothes

AP News- Police are accusing a New Hampshire woman of killing her roommates’ pet ferret, which was found dead in a smoke-filled oven.

Manchester police say they got a call around 2:40 a.m. Wednesday about smoke in an apartment building caused by a burned item in an oven. Firefighters cleared the building and found the ferret.

Two people who rented the apartment said they owned the ferret. They told police that they had a temporary guest.

Advertisement

There are cat ladies, and then there are ferret ladies. Ferret ladies make cat ladies look like a young Barack Obama–full of hope, promise, prospects, and swagger. If you’re a woman and you buy a ferret as a pet, you’re retiring from society. But if you didn’t follow the above tweets, you should know that this woman owned not one but TWO ferrets! She bought a pair of siblings. And why not double down if you’re joining the ferret community? Being an entrepreneur myself, I would definitely buy two ferrets, encourage them to mate, and then create a line of fur coats from their offspring. It’s not mink but it’s gotta be a close relative.

I guess the bad lady killed the ferret as revenge for having her clothes stolen. Seems harsh. I don’t think the ferret had anything to do with the clothing heist, unless it’s a highly-trained, highly-capable spy ferret that scampered under her locked door and retrieved jackets and boots one item at a time. Maybe he was able to ferret out the most expensive articles? Haha too soon, since he’s still smoldering? Ok sorry.

By the way– if you’d asked me to conjure an image of a woman who owns multiple ferrets, I would have absolutely crushed this:

Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 3.23.57 PM

That is the face of a woman who speaks in rage whispers 24-7. That is a woman who will complain that it’s too cold on an airplane until they blast the heat, sending those of us with healthy circulation to swampass city. She hates everyone except her ferrets. Or ferret. Since one of them was broiled lol. Sorry again. I just fucking hate ferrets.

PS- my kind of crazy:

Screen Shot 2017-11-08 at 3.30.49 PM