Donnie's Letter to Francis

Previously: Francis’s Weekly Letter to Donnie

Dear Francis,

Thanks for keeping me abreast with the happenings back in HQ. By the way, that was the first time I’ve used the word “abreast” in a sentence. Good thing I didn’t say “a breast” as the last thing I’m trying to do is reinforce Barstool’s image as a cesspool of misogyny. Speaking of misogyny, remember when you DMed those Sports Illustrated swim suit models? People forget that was borderline sexual harassment. You should probably delete those so they aren’t used in the future by some hypocrite who wants to see our “Fronnie Live” netflix special get cancelled.

I’ve joined an American football team out in Shanghai for content purposes. Kinda like when Tex did the Rough and Rowdy fight except it’s a 4 month commitment and I don’t get a $5,000 payday. In retrospect it was a horrible decision but at least now if China tries to deport me for doing something stupid I can blame it on CTE. Our first two opponents were a joke but the team we play tomorrow has an offensive line and two fullbacks that all weigh 220+ and I really just miss the days when I could spend Saturdays “dartying” and not “damanging my knees”. If my stats aren’t impressive at the end of the season I plan on blaming it on a concussion like you did with your entire Harvard Lax career. Wish me luck.

Feel free to send your next letter via the post office so there is a chance it gets lost in the mail.

??????????,

Donnie