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The CIA Released Documents Detailing Osama Bin Laden's Hobbies While He Was In Hiding: They Are Hilarious

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Yesterday the CIA released 470,000 files that were found during the raid on Osama Bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. I went through each and every item this morning while drinking my coffee. That’s a Chaps’ promise.

As you can see above, Bin Laden loved crocheting. Who doesn’t? When you’re hiding from taking a precision drone up your ass, you have to pass the time. What better way to pass the time than by making some socks?! I love socks, hats, and all that shit. I’d imagine there will be a Bin Laden’s Craft Shop that pops up on ETSY any day now. I’ll keep you posted.

That being said, a morning full of crocheting can be frustrating. What if you miss a loop? What if, heavens forbid, you miss a pull? If that happens, you take your ass to your computer and watch an all-time classic to get the funny bone re-tickled.

Count Ole Shot In The Face Three Times Head Ass Osama Bin Laden amongst the 854 million people who love that instant classic.

Bin Laden was also a huge Mr. Bean guy as long as it’s in Pashto. Who can blame him? I too like dry British slapstick.

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Not everything was released tho. The list of shit not released is bizarre for the world’s worst terrorist of the last 70 years. The porn is normal. Everyone jerks off, even terrorists. It just shows how strict ideology like Bin Laden’s is bullshit. His network would torture people if they were caught smoking. Wahhabism is against dancing, fortune telling, television programs, smoking, board games, drawing human or animal figures, acting in a play or writing fiction (both are considered forms of lying) and a litany of other shit. You should look up the list of stuff they cant do and that Bin Laden did. You won’t believe this, but he was a piece of shit. Anyway, here’s what the CIA said about why they didn’t release everything.

With today’s release, the information remaining in the Abbottabad collection that has not been released publicly includes materials that are sensitive such that their release would directly damage efforts to keep the nation secure; materials protected by copyright; pornography; malware; and blank, corrupted and duplicate files. For example, some of the material being withheld from public release are the following copyrighted videos:

Antz
Batman Gotham Knight
BBC Great Wildlife Moments
Biography – Osama bin Laden
Cars
Chicken Little
CNN Presents: World’s Most Wanted
Final Fantasy VII
Heroes of Tomorrow
Home on the Range
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
In the Footsteps of bin Laden – CNN
National Geographic: Kung Fu Killers
National Geographic: Inside the Green Berets
National Geographic: Predators at War
National Geographic: World’s Worst Venom
Peru Civilization
Resident Evil
Storm Rider – Clash of the Evils
The Kremlin from Inside
The Story of India
The Three Musketeers
Where in the World is Osama bin Laden

Thinking of Bin Laden spending the night before he was killed watching a marathon of Antz, Cars, and Chicken Little with his kids is wild. After he tucks his children in to their beds, he turns on the adult shows to see exactly where he might be in the documentary Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden. Spoiler Alert: it’s at the bottom of the ocean. Stay dead, bitcc.

And to his terrorist son, we comin. Cant wait to write a blog about what that piece of shit has on his computer after he’s dead.