College Kid With Absolutely No Game Asks His English Professor For Help Asking A Girl Out, Goes Viral Instead Of Getting Shamed
BFNEWS – Jake Moreno is a 22-year-old student at Salt Lake Community College in Utah. Last week, he asked his professor to help him draft a text message to a girl he wanted to take out on a date.
“Jacob approached me after class wondering if the triangle and Aristotelian Rhetoric could be used to ask a woman on a date and I was intrigued, thus my help,” Atkinson told BuzzFeed News in an email.
Meet Jake. Jake has no game.
Meet Jake’s English professor. Jake’s English professor may or may not be a stud in the real world, but in Academia? Buddy, hide your wife when this dude is prowling through the reference stacks.
And finally, meet Hannah. The poor girl who got conned and manipulated by no-game Jake and his use of performance enhancing MFA PhD nerd.
I feel so angry for Hannah. On an episode of Shark Tank, Mr. Wonderful tells the entrepreneurs presenting a female body shaping accessory to him that not only will he not invest, but he may litigate, because it’s essentially false advertising. Well that’s EXACTLY how Hannah should feel here – she’s not getting a bright, charming guy who knows all the right things to say. She’s getting a jerkoff who gamed the system and used a scientific formula provided to him by a professional in order to weasel his way into a date. No matter how cool she plays it off, because she’s a cool ass chick.
“Honestly, I kind of thought it was funny,” Hannah said of the revelation. Hannah told BuzzFeed News that she doesn’t have a Twitter.
She said that she was “super impressed” by the effort that went into the text message, noting that most guys don’t try nearly as hard as Jake did.
Hannah said something similar (about their date): “I felt like it went well, I guess we’ll just have to see,” she said.
“I guess we’ll just have to see.” Straight out of the “yeah never answering one your texts again” post first date playbook.
And who can blame her? Pure false representation. Ethos, logos and pathos my ass. All Jake cares about is getting his weiner touched and he’s not man enough or charming enough to get it done on his own.
Seriously, look at all the brain-engineering he got.
Atkinson said that he met with Jake for around five minutes, and that he helped him with pathos.
“My only real input into this whole thing was having him really appeal to the pathos part of the triangle and be sensitive and cognizant of the ‘details’ of her life situation, as often in rhetoric of this type that is what is going to put him over the top, so to speak,” he said.
“This is where Jacob brought up how she was moving, he wanted to create a stress reliever, and then the kicker, her dog.”
“I thought including all three would appeal well to her pathos,” Aktinson said. “The logos and ethos sides were pretty straightforward and he had these pretty much settled.”
Fuck off Jake. And fuck off Jake’s enabler of a professor dork.
As for the professor, he is considering making some changes to his resume.
“I guess it was quite successful because Jacob said she said yes, went on the date, and now perhaps matchmaker will have to go on my resume in the near future,” Atkinson said.
Hannah is too good for both of you.
