I Absolutely Love It When My Friends Waste Money: Break-Up SZN

Occasionally I get some advice questions. I love getting advice questions. You know why? Because I absolutely love giving advice. Sometimes I dont have the first fucking clue what I’m talking about but I fire away.

“Hey Chaps. How do you make a nuclear weapon? Second part: should I try to acquire a nuclear weapon?”

“Well, you see, you must first get your hands, not talkin literally now because that’ll cause cancer and whathaveyou, on some enriched uranium. Ohhhh very dangerous! And you should certainly try to get a nuclear bomb! Love bombs.”

But when the question is about love and love lost, I am pretty good at advice. In this case, you should let your buddy blow 18 grand in Vegas. There’s nothing like some joint experiences with a group of pals to really make a friendship last a lifetime. He’s gonna blow that money on something. It’s either gonna be shoes, a car upgrade, or something like that. You don’t win 18 grand making bets and then think, “You know, I should look into buying some longterm bonds. Sure, some simple stocks would do well too but I need some security in my portfolio.” Portfolio is a finance term. It could also be what you call a collection of your nude photos if you’re trying to be fancy. The English language is a gift. Money or money shots: You can find both in my portfolio.

So to answer the question, go to Vegas. Do some blow. Get a couple of lap dances. Drink from the top shelf and have a good time. Your friend needs some smiles, not an investment counselor.