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Someone Stole Eight 30-Packs Of Natty Light Out Of My Truck: I'm Extremely Pleased


This weekend Fietelberg and I went down to Austin and played some disc golf, ate some delicious tacos, and sipped on the sweet, sweet nectar of the gods… talkin Natty Light, folks. Sales Guy Jay went down there with us and made sure that we were hooked the fuck up and ready to go. I pulled into the distribution center, Jay hops out of the truck, and gives a round-em-up motion to some fellas on forklifts, and hits em with the coach whistle.

Next thing I know, I have a pallet of natty light on my truck. Nice. Darty SZN engaged.

We head to the disc golf course and everything is fine. The Natty Light is still in the back. We have consumed, responsibly of course, about a 12-pack between us. Nothing outrageous. Just wetting our whistles with some hops. No biggie. Afterall, boys will be boys.

After leaving the course and going to the house, we put some of the beer up in the fridge and on ice because we are gonna take it to the tailgate and obviously want it to be cold. We didn’t have room for all of it in the AirBnB so we just left some in my truck’s bed. We knew that we would be out at the tailgate the whole damn day and drinking so we ended up just taking an uber to the bar. We brought the beer too, except for the beer in the back of my truck.

Well, I headed home after the festivities were all concluded, but I still had the beer in my truck.

Fast forward to today. I had the beer in my truck still and thought that I would give it to the dudes who cut my grass. They do a good job, despite being extremely noisy and rude when I’m podcasting. I wish they would keep the lawn mowers, blowers, and whathaveyou at a dull, and I do mean the dullest of roars. It’s distracting but they do their best when I hit them with this look.

They ring the doorbell and I walk outside like I’m the giver of gifts, the bearer of great news, the darling of darties. I tell them, “Hey pals. I have a ton of beer in the back of my truck and you can have it if you want.”

They are pumped. They walk over to my truck, look in the back, and a look of dismay falls not only over their faces but the gloom fills the entire street as well. Shit.

This cant be. It cant be gone. But it is….

I have security cameras all around my house. I’m not even gonna check to see who stole the beer. I’m just gonna hope that they are enjoying it. I imagine myself as a young lad. I loved to steal too. I’ve been imaging how happy I would be if I thought I stole that much beer and got away with. It’d be pure delight. I’m glad that my driveway provided that for someone. That’s it. That’s the story. Carry on with the rest of your days. I’ll be back in a minute after I go get the lawn guys some beers. Cheers.