Amazon To Offer Automated Locks On Doors: I'd Rather Be Robbed At Gunpoint Than Inconvenienced

Lots of people are freaking out about this and I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s for convenience, folks. Ever heard of it?

People are acting like you are gonna get robbed and whatnot. Everyone making those deliveries knows that you have a camera. They know that you are going to be able to watch them, in broad daylight mind you, put your stuff in your house. If they do something they shouldn’t, you’ll know right away, and it’ll be on video.

People live their lives in constant fear. Stop that, you ninnys. If the UPS delivery person is delivering my second shipment of industrial lice treatment shampoo in a month, you think I want that box left out on the doorstep? Absolutely not. Lice treatments are expensive as hell. Unfair too. I think the government should step in at this point. It creates almost a monopoly of lice when it’s just the rich kids who can afford to get rid of the lice. That’s why people assume that only poor kids get lice. It’s the clean kids who get lice and it’s the poor kids who keep it because their parents are concerned that the Amazon delivery people are gonna steal their precious flat screen TV. The lice treatments get stolen from the porch because thieves think the package is gonna be something cool like an Amazon echo. Once again, it’s the same expensive lice treatment that the same thief stole last week too. You cant identify the thief because you don’t have a camera at the door. Fuck. Nobody is gonna steal your tv. Just get the damn lock and camera from Amazon and have the lice treatment shampoo put safely inside the door. Your children’s scalps are literally fucking bleeding. Enough already. The flat screen isn’t all that special in 2016 anyway.

Everybody has a flat screen, dude. Stop acting like you’re king dingaling because you have a 4k TV with Smart Apps. Black Friday is coming up and you’ll be able to get a 55-incher for like 200 bucks. Big whoop. You’ll probably trek your ass to the store and wait in some long ass lines to get your new tv. People will be going nuts and you’ll stand there and deal with it like a little bitcc.

Sure, there will be deals on Beats By Dr. Dre headphones, cheaper Xbox games, a new fridge for your mom and you’ll be standing there forever while Nana McTakesForever writes a check because she doesn’t know how to use Apple Pay. Pathetic. You’ll be doing all that while I order the same shit for cheaper online. I’ll head to the park to play some disc golf and let the delivery person in when they get there. They’ll drop the TV off and I’ll set it up at my leisure. Just in time for the big game too. Nice. Thanks, Amazon.