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Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

SSTSSTa

FloridaFirst she was his science teacher. Then she became his sex and drug partner.

Four decades his senior, Adrienne F. Laflamme, a Brevard County educator, started a four-week sexual relationship with the 17-year-old student she had taught while he was in custody at a detention center in Cocoa. …

[T]he boy and his 60-year-old teacher had a liaison that included sex about 15 times, sex toys, driving privileges and a three-way sexual encounter with a 14-year-old boy. The relationship went on for a month or so. When she went on vacation, she let him keep her car. …

During a police-recorded phone call between Laflamme and the young man after the [boy’s] mom complained, Laflamme encouraged him to lie about their sexual activities, their drug use and the “three-way.”

There was other evidence, however, including text messages about the two driving around town “drug dealing,” and a flirty text that said: “Heard a really hot guy was drivn around Cocoa inacar jus like mine :o”

I’m going to come right out and admit my bias from the outset. It’s gonna be tough for a guy who answers to “Old Balls” around here to be fair when it comes to grading the most geriatric Sex Scandal Teacher I’ve ever graded in the long and glorious history of this blog. Really tough. Because dammit, you have to admire Adrienne Laflamme.

Most teachers her age are calling it a career. Usually when you hit 60, you’ve lost a step. The game speeds up for you and you can’t keep up with the young smokes with the ink still wet on their teaching degrees. She’s at that stage of life when you’d expect she’d be planning a retirement life of mall walks, reverse mortgages and the fond memories of all the teenage students she banged back during the Carter administration. But Adrienne refuses to hang up the sex toys or even slow down a little. She’s like a demented, post-menopausal Adam Vinatieri, still kicking bombs in the clutch.

So yeah, I applaud her. She’s an inspiration to crazy Baby Boomer ladies everywhere. But I’ll still grade her fairly, because if a blog that assigns letter grades to women who bang their students loses its integrity, what does it have left?

The Grades:
Looks: I’m sure she is the prom queen at all those dinner dances at the senior center. But as a SST? I’m not grading on that curve. If you’ll excuse my deep pull, I just keep seeing Martin Short’s Jackie Rogers Jr. character.
Grade: D-

Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: How about this lady? Laflamme doing more past her expiration date than most SSTs do in a career. Drugs. Sex toys. Dirty texts. Cars. Threeways. With a kid less than a quarter her age, no less. She’s no doubt drier than Tatooine down there, but there’s no quit in her heart.
Grade: A

Intangibles: In the words of the great Lloyd Christmas, Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. Don’t you go dying on me, Adrienne Laflamme!
Grade: A

Overall:

Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 or email me at jerry@barstoolsports.com. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.