Kim Kardashian Says Selfies Are OUT

LMAOOOOOOO you people are still taking selfies out there? Absolutely could not be me.

In fact, I was so early on being out on selfies that I never got in on selfies. That sentence make sense? No? Whatever, figure it out for yourself.

Selfies were always the dumbest things in the history of the world and I’m not just saying that because I’ve absolutely never once looked good in an attempted selfie. I’ve got a fat face and a big nose, you think that translates to looking sexy in a close-up photograph? It does not, friends.

Fact of the matter is that it was always impossible to not look like an asshole taking a selfie. Ever seen someone attempting to take one in public? It’s more uncomfortable than anything in history. They’re reaching their arm up just high enough to make their face look skinny but low enough that it doesn’t look like they’re reaching up high, they’re tilting their face just so, getting the light behind them just right, smiling so they look happy but more sexy than happy. It’s such an outrageous process to behold that I’ve never even been able to take one in complete privacy. I’ve tried, I’ll admit that, but after 5 minutes I laugh and think “What are you DOING with your life” then scrap the whole project.

Thankfully, the queen of pop culture has spoken and said not only are selfies out, but they’re soooooo THREE years ago (long time). If you’re still taking selfies you’re a lame, dumb bitch who’s probably stomping her last season Prada shoes in anger as she reads this.

Oh, also, buy Kim’s “Selfie” book!

PS – I’ve still never seen an episode of the Kardashians but how in the world do people find them interesting? They have the personality of a paper bag in that video.