The Memphis Grizzlies Are Going To Retire Tony Allen's Number. Wait, What?!?

Goddammit Memphis. You really screwed us both with this one. When it was announced over the summer that the Grizzlies were going to retire Zach Randolph’s number despite the fact he is now playing for another team, I had their back. Not because Randolph is a first ballot Hall of Fame basketball player or anything. But because he is a first ballot Hall of Fame NBA character. I was all for retiring number 50 for all 30 NBA teams just to show respect to the man they call Z-Bo and I stand by it.

However, this Tony Allen nonsense is a horse of a different color. When I think of Tony Allen, the first team I think of is the Boston Celtics while the Grizzlies are 1B. I’m sorry Grizzlies fans but I can’t get behind retiring the jerseys of two active players that didn’t win shit for your city. I know getting swept in the 2013 Western Conference Finals felt magical, but to the rest of the world that team was just a trivia answer when asking which Western Conference teams the Spurs laid waste to on their way to the Finals all those years.

And trust me, I get the whole Grit and Grind more than most. I grew up with the 90s Knicks. PFT would have been sporting a boner 82 times a year plus the playoffs if he saw the grittiness those teams displayed on a nightly basis. John Starks never backed down against the GOAT/sociopath known as MJ and even heatbutted that gremlin Reggie Miller once. UFC matches have less contact than Anthony Mason did with the Davis Boys in the paint back in the day. And Charles Oakley is still looking to endear himself to Knicks fans after he tried to put hands around James Dolan’s non-existent neck. But none of those jersey numbers hang in the rafters of MSG. And those guys were grinding their dicks off back in the rough and tumble 90s and were also one Hakeem Olajuwon fingernail away from potentially winning the NBA Finals in 6 games.

Which is why I think the Grizzlies need to institute a 5 year waiting period on jersey retirements. They just got out of a long relationship and had the best sex/playoff games of their lives. Sure it didn’t end with a ring. But everyone had their fun, got their rocks off, and there are still a TON of feelings there. But you shouldn’t be getting tattoos of your ex if she just left you for someone else. Now the Grizzlies look like number retirement sluts, turned out by a team that played hard on defense and dove after loose balls. At this rate, the Grizzlies are going to have to retire Bryant Reeves’ jersey because the nickname Big Country is sweet as fuck and give Marc Gasol part ownership of the franchise when he retires. I hate to say it, but this is the kind of soft ass move to expect from a team that has teal and yellow in its jersey color scheme (no offense Chaps and the Blake Bortles Wikipedia Club). Be better Memphis.

Also I have to include this picture at the end just because it cracks me up at the state of Miami Heat basketball before the refs showed up in the 2006 NBA Finals and LeBron showed up in 2010.


h/t j-kwon