Breaking News: Chris Foerster Resigns


It’s hard not to feel bad for Chris Foerster. It seems to me the worst thing he did in all this was love the wrong woman. Well, aside from snorting coke in his office before a meeting. That’s the worst he he did. But loving the wrong woman is the second worst.

Kijuana Nige had his trust. But if he’s like me, it’s easy to gain my trust, but once you lose it, it’s almost impossible to get it back. I’d bet 99 percent of Vegas-based models would be flattered to have an NFL position coach take time out of his busy season to send them a video. Say he’s thinking about her. Tell her lovingly that he wishes he was doing those lines off her pussy. Women say all the time they want a guy who does romantic little gestures like that. But she’s the one percent who takes it for granted and it’s despicable.

Maybe Foerster will do what Pat McAfee told us on this week’s “Laces Out” a Colts’ PR guy wanted him to do when he got arrested: Say he’s found Jesus. Then say he’s going into rehab and … turning his life around. And given he’s coached for 24 years, someone will give him another job. But that’s a long, long, longshot.

By and large NFL teams want controlled substances in their office even less than they want their coaches high as lab rats while conducting meetings. Even if they can coach up a win with Jay Cutler throwing for 92 yards. Or if they’ve been in the league for 24 years like Foerster. I mean, if he had a resume, sure. If back in the day the Redskins found out Joe Gibbs needed a little bit of a morning bump while perfecting the Counter Trey or the Bears learned Buddy Ryan was sending drug videos to Vegas hoes while drawing up blitz packages out of the 3-3 Stack, well then you look the other way. But Foerster doesn’t have that kind of juice.

Here’s hoping he gets off the shit and gets his life back together. And mostly, let’s hope he starts dating nicer women.