Malort's "Unaired" Commercial Is Fantastic

“Malort, like you’re being picked on in 5th grade”

If you’ve never had a shot of Malort in your life, well then this probably makes zero sense, if you have, well then this is all to familiar. For the un-initiated Malort is a Chicago based Liquor that basically tastes like the inside of a Nyquil gel capsule mixed with burning rubber and a dash of rat poison, then once you take the shot it tastes like someone sprayed hair spray down your throat for about 5 minutes. It’s really really good. If you’re ever in Chicago try it.

Also, I think I told this story on KFC Radio once but back when I was living in a big house with 5 guys in Wrigleyville we had a Super Bowl party for the Steelers/Cardinals game and someone came up with the awesome idea that they could drink an entire bottle of malort by kickoff. So he did, and then completely disappeared. Flash forward to late in the game and someone noticed that we hadn’t seen our friend in roughly 3 hours which was somewhat troubling because he had drank roughly 20 shots earlier in the day. So I go looking for him in the house to find that he had puked on essentially every inch of my bedroom. That’s not an exaggeration. He had puked under my desk, in my closet, on my bed, UNDER my bed, in my chair. Every inch had Malort puke. I lived in that place for another year and a half and every now and then when the wind was just right I would catch a feint sniff of it. So the moral of the story is, drink malort, DON’T drink an entire bottle of Malort. And no that person is no longer my friend.