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Ridiculous Reader Email: "Some nerd in Arlington built a tree house"


Arlington – It took a half-dozen workers and one month for Andrew Knight to build what one neighbor appropriately called an “epic treehouse” in his Nauck backyard. Knight lives just off of S. Glebe Road, and when he bought his house a year ago, he identified the 150-year-old oak tree in his backyard as “perfect for a treehouse.” Some $20,000 later, he has what he terms “a mancave in a tree.” The inspiration? When the 36-year-old was 6, his parents promised him a treehouse, yet never built it. “That’s what happens when your parents promise a tree house and don’t deliver,” he said while giving a tour of the treehouse this week. “When I bought the house a year ago it absolutely was a big part of the decision.” The platform — built with tree safety in mind by professional tree house constructors, Knight said — is 199 square feet and the house itself is 90 square feet. If the platform were 200 square feet it would have required a building permit, Knight said. The deck is furnished with white wicker chairs and a gas grill, and the inside has a futon, coffee table, small dining set and a lamp, all from IKEA. Knight, who went to M.I.T. graduate school for nuclear engineering, claims to have held 24 “distinct” jobs so far, including professional blackjack player, high school physics teacher, patent attorney and inventor. He also says he holds 17 patents. Knight moved to his Arlington house from Sterling and describes his relationship status as ”single and looking.” Asked whether the treehouse will be an asset or a hinderance in his dating life, Knight was optimistic. “Who knows?” he said. “Maybe there’s an interesting woman out there who can appreciate it.”

I could not believe my eyes when the nice, but way off the mark reader Scott sent this email. Nerd? Did he really spell casanova renaissance man that badly? There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, that soaks girls’ underpanties quite like a treehouse. Girls hear a whisper of a man with a treehouse and their clothes evaporate into thin air. He knows it, I know it, and now you know it. Taking a girl back to your treehouse is the stuff legends are made of. Never mind our dude had $20k “fuck you mom and dad” money to build his dream tree house. Cuckholded his parents so hard right there. Just a lesson for all parents and parents to be: never promise your kid dick. Pretty sure when I was 7 we were at a diner and my dad said we couldn’t play Keno. Flashforward to the compulsive gambler I am today. It’s just how shit works.