Alexi Lalas Went Scorched Earth, Michael Scott "Boom Roasted" Style On The US Men's National Team

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Oh shit. That was a WWE promo if I’ve ever seen one. Alexi Lalas going Gran Torino style scorched Earth at these hooligans with their tattoos and backwards hats and InstaSnaps and FaceGrams and whosie whatsies. Might be my favorite clip of an announcer calling out a team, probably ever. Going name by name, player by player, and boom roasting each guy Michael Scott style.

Tim Howard, the Belgium game was 3 years ago and you haven’t made a save since

Clint Dempsey, you’re a shitty leader

Jozy Altidore, you sucked then, and you still suck now

And if you didn’t even hear your name, it’s because you literally aren’t worth my breath

Absolutely phenomenal job by Lalas there. Call me crazy, but if you’re an MLS legend like him, Freddie Adu, or the guy who put peanut butter in his hair who was always featured in SI For Kids, you can say what you want, went you want, and people have to listen. And I’ll tell you what, US Soccer is probably going to win the World Cup now, out of pure fear Lalas will boom roast them again.