Spoiler alert: 175 mph winds are fast! Everyone knows that. Hurricane Andrew had 165mph winds when it (she? sorry to assume and if this offends) devastated South Florida so Irma is a bad bitcc lookin thicc as fucc in the CCarribean. There’s no denying that. But is Irma a Category 6? No. Because there isn’t a category 6 and the news people know that but they rely on facebook clicks from olds.
These local news stations are getting the biggest hurricane boners. They love it. They love their charts, their clicks, their projections. They love all of that shit. We here at the Chaps Hurricane Center (CHC) aren’t gonna put up with Hurricane fear mongering, though. We are gonna spot and call out all Hurricane Boners (HP). The staff of CHC isn’t that strong and is drastically underfunded. At this blog’s writing, there is only one member of the CHC but I don’t wanna take credit for being the lone member. That’s below me. This is about a call to duty, a sense of service, an esprit de corps.
That being said, pilots who fly inside the hurricane are fucking insane, man. No way. Just no way.
When I’m on a flight and there’s a little bit of turbulence, I get so nervous. I grip the inside of my leg and squeeze right below my testicles which are admittedly undersized. Surprising? Yes. True? Also, yes. It lets me know I’m alive. I admit that it also makes me look like I’m doing what the French call faire l’amour to myself but it’s just a mental method that I use to get me through the stress. My doctor recommended it and it’s worth a try. I’ve also used seated yoga but I’ve found it’s not as effective which stinks. Namaste.
Anyway, if you see any unfounded Hurricane Boners, send me the hot tips at Chaps@barstoolsports.com