Draft Grades For The Barstool Sports Fantasy Football Podcast League
As Michael Rapaport (RAP-A-PWAH) blogged about, we had our Barstool fantasy league draft last night. We split teams up by podcast or Barstool #franchise with comanagers and all that nonsense. Rapaport also said he had won the draft. My response?
And as Chaps blogged earlier today, some people actually care about other people’s fantasy teams. I don’t care about every little nuanced thing about people’s teams. But if there is a draft or a roster, I’ll sneak a peak. Plus everyone loves draft grades. It’s something woven into our DNA. And if you don’t like it, too bad I already got your click suckaaaaaaa.
Here’s a quick breakdown of how the league is set up.
Roster: 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 Flex, 1 K, 1 D/ST, 8 Bench
Scoring: PPR, 4 point passing TD, bonuses for 400+ passing yards or 200+ rushing/receiving yards.
Draft: Snake draft. Teams are listed in the same order as the draft order.
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Onto the grades.
SPORTS ECYCLOPEDIA.COM
Drafted By: Young Pageviews
Representing: Stool Scenes
Team
David Johnson, Ari RB
T.Y. Hilton, Ind WR
Doug Baldwin, Sea WR
Isaiah Crowell, Cle RB
Travis Kelce, KC TE
Kirk Cousins, Wsh QB
Mark Ingram, NO RB
Jordan Matthews, Buf WR
Adam Thielen, Min WR
Mike Wallace, Bal WR
Darren Sproles, Phi RB
Cole Beasley, Dal WR
Shane Vereen, NYG RB
Panthers D/ST D/ST
Mason Crosby, GB K
Tyler Lockett, Sea WR
Taylor Gabriel, Atl WR
Robert Turbin, Ind RB
Analysis: I think this entire team hinges on the T.Y and Kirk Cousins picks. If Andrew Luck’s shoulder is a broken chicken wing and Cousins finally trips up and doesn’t force the Redskins to sign him to a $50 million franchise tender next year, YP is screwed. If not, he’ll make the playoffs. Don’t see a ring in his future though. In fact he’ll probably be behind the camera during my victory parade down the Canyon of Heroes.
Grade: C+
Superlative: Best team name
Cuncel Da Laegue
Drafted By: Clem
Representing: The Podfathers
Team
Le’Veon Bell, Pit RB
Ezekiel Elliott, Dal RB
Demaryius Thomas, Den WR
Russell Wilson, Sea QB
Larry Fitzgerald, Ari WR
DeVante Parker, Mia WR
Ameer Abdullah, Det RB
Tyrell Williams, LAC WR
Tyler Eifert, Cin TE
Derrick Henry, Ten RB
Dion Lewis, NE RB
1Sterling Shepard, NYG WR
Wendell Smallwood, Phi RB
Paul Richardson, Sea WR
Giants D/ST D/ST
Jamaal Williams, GB RB
Steelers D/ST D/ST
Blair Walsh, SEA K
Analysis: 2 of the top 3 running backs is a good thing in fantasy, right? I hate Zeke because he is a Cowboy and because he may be a monster, and is at the very least just an idiot. But I couldn’t pass him up with the 2nd to last pick of the 2nd round. I admittedly don’t know shit about the law, but I know people with a lot of money usually find a way to skirt true justice. Which is why I feel if the Zeke case goes to court, Jerruh Jones is the kind of guy who is going to do everything in his power/bank account to make sure his running back’s suspension is delayed for years if not decades. And if that happens, this team takes off. And if DeMarco Murray gets hurt, this team leaves the universe behind the combo Bell, Elliott, and Henry. Russell Wilson’s ready to be a Top 5 QB again now that he’s healthy. My one question mark is at tight end, but if Eifert’s healthy enough to play in the red zone, we are more than gucci.
Also bonus points to me for drafting Larry Fitz who is a receptions MONSTER (led the league last year, nbd). But the real reason I drafted him is because everyone on the planet loves Larry Fitz, thus making my team The People’s Team. Papa Clem has been on the Fitz Train for years and if this is truly Larry’s last season, I hope they enjoy their last year together.
Grade: A+
Superlative: Most likely to win the championship
I AM RAPAPORT
Drafted By: Michael Rapaport
Representing: Fantasy Football Follies
Team
Antonio Brown, Pit WR
Christian McCaffrey, Car RB
Ty Montgomery, GB RB
Drew Brees, NO QB
Davante Adams, GB WR
Pierre Garcon, SF WR
Jamison Crowder, Wsh WR
Robert Kelley, Wsh RB
Darren McFadden, Dal RB
Hunter Henry, LAC TE
Rishard Matthews, Ten WR
Rex Burkhead, NE RB
Texans D/ST D/ST
Torrey Smith, Phi WR
Kenny Golladay, Det WR
Carson Palmer, Ari QB
Samaje Perine, Wsh RB
Greg Zuerlein, LAR K
Analysis: The Catslayer made some solid picks. McCaffrey and Montgomery should catch a lot of passes out of the backfield, which is clutch in a PPR league. Receivers that catch a shit ton of balls is a pretty good strategy too. Waiting on Carson Palmer could hit big if he is Carson of two years ago. Lots of guys get better once they hit the age of 37 following a postseason meltdown and an awful season, right?
Grade: B+
Superlative: Loudest owner
King Of The North
Drafted By: Jerry Thornton
Representing: Barstool’s BRAND NEW FOOTBALL PODCAST Laces Out with Jerry, Pat McAfee and AJ Hawk
Team
Julio Jones, Atl WR
Leonard Fournette, Jax RB
Tom Brady, NE QB
Michael Crabtree, Oak WR
Jordan Reed, Wsh TE
Frank Gore, Ind RB
Jarvis Landry, Mia WR
Doug Martin, TB RB
Broncos D/ST D/ST
Stephen Gostkowski, NE K
Jonathan Stewart, Car RB
Josh Doctson, Wsh WR
Latavius Murray, Min RB
Charcandrick West, KC RB
Dustin Hopkins, Wsh K
Robert Woods, LAR WR
Jaguars D/ST D/ST
Tim Hightower, SF RB
Analysis: No surprise Old Balls goes with an ancient player known as much for his balls as his ridiculous amount of production in the league. I love the Martin pick in the 8th round. However I just get a bad vibe with this team. The NFL is not an old (Gore) or injury prone (Reed) man’s game. I hope the Patriots roll to another Super Bowl appearance because Jerry is probably not used to rooting for a team that finished under .500 ever since BB became HC of the NEP.
Grade: C+
Superlative: Wisest (cough cough oldest) owner
The Squirrels
Drafted By: Glenny Balls
Representing: Grubbin’ With Glenny
Team
LeSean McCoy, Buf RB
DeMarco Murray, Ten RB
Kareem Hunt, KC RB
Terrelle Pryor Sr., Wsh WR
Keenan Allen, LAC WR
Jimmy Graham, Sea TE
Willie Snead, NO WR
Marcus Mariota, Ten QB
Kevin White, Chi WR
John Brown, Ari WR
Zay Jones, Buf WR
Chris Ivory, Jax RB
Patriots D/ST D/ST
Andy Dalton, Cin QB
James Conner, Pit RB
Evan Engram, NYG TE
Jonathan Williams, Buf RB
Wil Lutz, NO K
Analysis: Glenny clearly loves speed as he has the fastest first step in the Tri-State Area. I guess that explains three running backs to start the draft. Unfortunately for Glenny, this is a PPR league. Keenan Allen is as big of a monster on the field as he is in Madden, but unfortunately you can only play one of those things if you get injured. Glenny does have solid backs, but I’ve been selling McCoy since Buffalo is apparently in a tanking race with the Jets for the number 1 pick and as a Derrick Henry owner, I am wishing for DeMarco Murray to hit the wall that every running back hits when their teams beat the everyloving shit out of them.
Grade: C
Superlative: Best owner nickname because Glenny Balls still makes me chuckle inside every time I say it
Margaritaville Mickstapes
Drafted By: The Buff Man (or Coley Mick, not sure)
Representing: Mickstape (Uhhh ya think?)
Team
Mike Evans, TB WR
Dez Bryant, Dal WR
Marshawn Lynch, Oak RB
Joe Mixon, Cin RB
Martavis Bryant, Pit WR
Brandon Marshall, NYG WR
C.J. Anderson, Den RB
Corey Coleman, Cle WR
Martellus Bennett, GB TE
Andrew Luck, Ind QB
Dak Prescott, Dal QB
Justin Tucker, Bal K
Alvin Kamara, NO RB
Malcolm Mitchell, NE WR
Jason Witten, Dal TE
John Ross, Cin WR
Ravens D/ST D/ST
O.J. Howard, TB TE
Analysis: Receiving corps is absolutely stacked, but the backs (both of the QB and RB variety) are huge question marks. Yeah you can win a league in 2017 without getting stud runners. But if Marshawn retires after Week 1 and Joe Mixon does Joe Mixon things off the field, the Mickstapes are in TROUBLE.
Grade: C+
Superlative: Best power running game in real life. Who the hell drafts THREE tight ends in fantasy?
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Head Monkey
Drafted By: Smitty
Representing: Gametime
Team
Melvin Gordon, LAC RB
Todd Gurley, LAR RB
DeAndre Hopkins, Hou WR
Kelvin Benjamin, Car WR
Tyreek Hill, KC WR
Tevin Coleman, Atl RB
Jeremy Maclin, Bal WR
Danny Amendola, NE WR
Derek Carr, Oak QB
Matthew Stafford, Det QB
Giovani Bernard, Cin RB
Vikings D/ST D/ST
Kendall Wright, Chi WR
J.J. Nelson, Ari WR
Austin Hooper, Atl TE
Jared Cook, Oak TE
Sebastian Janikowski, Oak K
Jamaal Charles, Den RB
Analysis: They say when you draft a receiver you are also drafting his quarterback in a sense. So Smitty’s first 4 receivers drafted are going to be catching balls from Tom Savage, Cam Newton, Alex Smith, and Joe Flacco. That’s a 1 hot QB every 4 picks average (and 1 elite QB I suppose). Locking up both LA running backs was interesting just because it means Smitty will be paying more attention to them than all the people of LA combiuned. Smitty and Eagles fans are never destined to win anything of true value, so this team is very on #brand.
Grade: C+
Superlative: Best dial up internet because Smitty entered and left the draft no less than 8,000 times last night. Guess he’s still on a pasta slinger’s budget.
Well You Tell Me
Drafted By: Uncle Chaps
Representing: Zero Blog Thirty
Team
Odell Beckham Jr., NYG WR
Jordan Howard, Chi RB
Lamar Miller, Hou RB
Allen Robinson, Jax WR
Greg Olsen, Car TE
DeSean Jackson, TB WR
Terrance West, Bal RB
Jameis Winston, TB QB
Duke Johnson Jr., Cle RB
Corey Davis, Ten WR
Ted Ginn Jr., NO WR
Chris Carson, Sea RB
Dan Bailey, Dal K
Charles Sims, TB RB
D’Onta Foreman, Hou RB
Julius Thomas, Mia TE
Bengals D/ST D/ST
Dede Westbrook, Jax WR
Analysis: My Podfather In Arms had to start his own franchise since having us together would probably have been unfair to the league. KFC will play the role of The Mouth of the South for my team while Captain Hardo Cons will be Chaps’ consigliere.
I love some of Chaps’ draft, I hate some of Chaps’ draft. I was going to go with ODB if I had any pick outside of the Top 2 because I love that man with all my heart. The fact he slipped to 8 is criminal negligence on the rest of the league. Lots of players on teams that may be losing teams is probably not a good thing for our favorite uncle. And it’s cruel that Chaps has to root for a Jaguar in fantasy. Fantasy sports should be an escape for people that root for shitty teams. And while I am grading these grades using only my opinion, I have to admit the fact Chaps tricked Adam Schefter and all of ESPN with a fake tweet bumps his football knowledge up in my mind, especially when he’s playing with this motley crew of rejects (myself included in said crew). Jameis was an skrong pick that late and Corey Davis could be a baller. But as someone that has owned Lamar Miller in the past, I can’t give this team a grade higher than a B- (all Lamar Miller owners sadly nodded their heads in agreement when reading that).
Grade: B-
Superlative: Actually good with a chance of actually bad but always actually handsome
Team Lockwood
Drafted By: Henry Lockwood
Representing: Pardon My Take
Team
Devonta Freeman, Atl RB
Brandin Cooks, NE WR
Aaron Rodgers, GB QB
Danny Woodhead, Bal RB
Sammy Watkins, LAR WR
Kyle Rudolph, Min TE
Eric Decker, Ten WR
Paul Perkins, NYG RB
James White, NE RB
LeGarrette Blount, Phi RB
C.J. Prosise, Sea RB
Jacquizz Rodgers, TB RB
Matt Bryant, Atl K
Cardinals D/ST D/ST
Eric Ebron, Det TE
Kenny Stills, Mia WR
Cairo Santos, KC K
Devontae Booker, Den RB
Analysis: Solid start to the draft. Woodhead is a machine in a PPR league, but I can’t help but think he was picked that early because of his allegiance to Pardon My Take. Nonetheless, the #grit box was checked early for Team Lockwood. Taking this team to the chip would be Aaron Rodgers’ most impressive accomplishment yet. Oh yeah and I’m still pissed Hank stole Quizz Rodgers from me on autopick. Nothing worse than a guy getting sniped from you on autopick. I’ll be Frannie Lydoning his Mount Rushmore picks for the foreseeable future.
Grade: C-
Superlative: One of the top 40 teams drafted by someone under 40 in this league
Buddha Bens
Drafted By: Caleb Pressley
Representing: Young and Happy
Team
Rob Gronkowski, NE TE
Amari Cooper, Oak WR
Dalvin Cook, Min RB
Cam Newton, Car QB
Stefon Diggs, Min WR
Mike Gillislee, NE RB
Randall Cobb, GB WR
Chris Hogan, NE WR
Eddie Lacy, Sea RB
Seahawks D/ST D/ST
Cooper Kupp, LAR WR
Philip Rivers, LAC QB
Matt Prater, Det K
Tyrod Taylor, Buf QB
Marqise Lee, Jax WR
Jeremy Hill, Cin RB
DeAndre Washington, Oak RB
Jalen Richard, Oak RB
Analysis: Cam in the 4th round seemed a bit much. Playing Patriots Running Back and Receiver Roulette isn’t a fun thing either. Maybe Jerry could figure out Belichick’s madness on gameday. But instead it will be young and happy Pressley. Lack of depth means once the injury bug hits this team, it’s curtains.
Grade: C-
Superlative: Best hair
Spider Monkeys
Drafted By: Nate Dawg
Representing: Nate At Night
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Team
Jay Ajayi, Mia RB
Michael Thomas, NO WR
Golden Tate, Det WR
Matt Ryan, Atl QB
Emmanuel Sanders, Den WR
Bilal Powell, NYJ RB
Zach Ertz, Phi TE
Donte Moncrief, Ind WR
Kenny Britt, Cle WR
Matt Forte, NYJ RB
Chiefs D/ST D/ST
Chris Thompson, Wsh RB
Carson Wentz, Phi QB
Brandon McManus, Den K
Cameron Brate, TB TE
Breshad Perriman, Bal WR
Marquise Goodwin, SF WR
Tyler Higbee, LAR TE
Analysis: Nate got the freaks and that’s a known fact and he also got a decent team I suppose. Nothing that’s really all that wow or flashy. But a team that a fantasy player that read a bunch of fantasy football magazines can appreciate. Bilal Powell could put in work in a PPR league, but the mere thought of owning anyone in that Jets offense makes my head hurt. Fran has signed on as a co-manager, repping Chicks In The Office. I don’t know if she’s a ringer or what, but her only managerial experience here at Barstool was coaching the Purple Starfish. I guess there is nowhere to go but up.
Grade: C
Superlative: Most likely to take things too far on the message board
Big Ol’ Punts
Drafted By: Pat McAfee, Digs, Barstool Heartland, and all of the good men and women of the Midwest (but mostly just Digs)
Representing: The Pat McAfee Show
Team
Jordy Nelson, GB WR
A.J. Green, Cin WR
Carlos Hyde, SF RB
Alshon Jeffery, Phi WR
Adrian Peterson, NO RB
Theo Riddick, Det RB
Delanie Walker, Ten TE
Ben Roethlisberger, Pit QB
Thomas Rawls, Sea RB
Adam Vinatieri, Ind K
Jack Doyle, Ind TE
Marvin Jones, Det WR
Devin Funchess, Car WR
Eli Manning, NYG QB
Mohamed Sanu, Atl WR
Allen Hurns, Jax WR
Marlon Mack, Ind RB
Eagles D/ST D/ST
Analysis: The Vinatieri pick in the 10th round screams favoritism for the guy whose balls McAfee used to hold. If Peterson becomes the top dog in Nawlins, Thomas Rawls beats out Fat Eddie Lacy and Fragile CJ Prosise in Seattle, and Carlos Hyde learns how to play in a completely different offense on a bad team, the Heartland could do some damage. If not and they are probably fucked, letting down all hometown fans from plain to shining plain.
Grade: C-
Superlative: Best team name pun
Again, this draft and all the nonsense that comes from it was set up by the good folks on Michael Rapaport’s Fantasy Follies podcast. Follow @FantasyFollies on Twitter and download/subscribe/review on iTunes.