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Can't Blame These Hurricane Harvey Evacuees For Ripping Shots On Their Rescue Boat

It’s difficult to find humor in the disastrous situations arising from Hurricane Harvey, but this newscaster’s obliviousness to life helps. Nope. That’s not water, lady. That’s some first class (redacted – no free ads). As it should be. If I’m taking a rescue boat in flooded waters evacuating from my home, the first thing I’m looking for is the Whiskey. Nothing brown around? Vodka is one of the next best things. Beggers can’t be choosers in disaster zones. Hell, it could be Skinny Girl or its cancerous turpentine equivalent at that point and I’d throw one back to distract myself from reality. The esteemed Dr. Homer J. Simpson once eloquently stated that alcohol is “The cause, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” Well, booze might not have been the catalyst behind the Hurricane (not 100% putting it past God from being a raging alcoholic father and creating Harvey to distract him from some bad gambling picks), but in somewhat moderation, it can certainly help. Here’s to swimmin’ with bowlegged women.

Also, if you’re not following along and supporting Tex and the countless others down there exhausting themselves helping the cause, it’s time to take notice. And, if you’re able, donate.