Don Cherry NEEDS To Make The Eagles' 53-Man Roster

If Don Cherry would have taken that back to the house, I would have cummed myself. We’re talkin’ male ejaculate in my pants, people.

And in case you don’t follow the Philadelphia Eagles men’s professional football team closely, let me tell you about Don Cherry. Obviously he’s not that Don Cherry. But the kid went to Villanova. Signed with the Eagles as a free agent last year. Got cut before week 1. Was on the practice squad all last year. And last night he made a case for himself to make the Eagles’ 53-man roster. Do I think he’ll be around for Week 1 vs the Redskins? Probably not. The Eagles are weak on linebackers as it is and he’s at the end of the depth chart. But should the Birds hang on to the kid and give him a shot? Sixty-nine-hundred percent. Just because every time he goes in the game and does something, hockey twitter can lose our shit and tag Grapes.

An opportunity like this only comes around once in a lifetime. It’s not just that there’s another person out there named Don Cherry. I’m sure there are at least 5 or 6 more Don Cherries out there. But the fact that there’s a Don Cherry out there who is good enough at football to almost crack an NFL lineup? What are the odds of that? Probably one in a zillion. Yet here we are. Witnessing a miracle unfold right in front of our very eyes. That’s something truly special that we’ll never see again as long as we’re alive. Do the right thing here, Howie. The sports Gods put both of these Don Cherries in our lives for a reason. Maybe that reason just happens to be to get the real Don Cherry to Philly one week for a game, then I can finally get him to adopt me.

P.S. – “The Gang Buys A Squirrel”

P.P.S. – I have masturbated to this long ball from Carson to Torrey Smith no less than 8 times in the last 12 hours.

Suuuuuppppeeeerrrrrr Boooowwwwwllllll.