A Couple Caught Forging Credit Cards as They're Having Sex in a Walmart Parking Lot

Walmart sex

SourcePolice called to investigate two people in a Jeep Wrangler engaged in a sex act outside Walmart in Lower Nazareth Township found them in possession of a trove of forged credit cards, court records say.

Ceon Gordon, 22, and Ashley Thompson, 21, both of Brooklyn, N.Y., were arrested on more than a dozen felony charges each and sent to Northampton County Prison. …

Thompson was taken into custody while a police K9 searched the vehicle and alerted to a controlled substance, according to Detective Gary Hammer. …

In the center console of the Jeep was a pink wallet containing seven fraudulent credit cards, in addition to … a device used to produce counterfeit credit cards, described as a wireless/Bluetooth-enabled card writer and encoder, police said.

It’s the second oldest trope in crime drama: The criminal that acts like they wanted to get caught. The oldest being that you that the officer in charge of the case has a badass name like Detective Gary Hammer. But that’s beside the point.

Look, I’ll make a deal with Ceon Gordon and Ashley Thompson. They don’t tell me how to manage my unhealthy fixation with Bill Belichick and I won’t tell them how to run a phony credit card ring out of their Jeep Wrangler. But I’d think that having enough physical evidence to get you put away for the rest of your twenties would be a major incentive not to start banging right outside the store.

Again, what do I know about phony credit card rings. Maybe there’s something about getting a bunch of quality Walmart consumer goods for the low, low price of nothing that turns Ashley into a Slip & Slide and she’s just gotta have it then and there. But it’s exactly this kind of sloppiness that brings down major criminals all the time. They got Capone for failing to pay taxes. Timothy McVeigh was arrested on a routine traffic stop. It’s like the old saying goes, if you’re going to be smuggling a bunch of drugs in your trunk, just make sure your tail lights work. And if you’re ripping off the public with a Bluetooth-enabled credit card writer, wait until you get home before you spark up a celebratory doob and start smashing. That’s how you get to have a career in crime that lasts past your 23rd birthday.