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Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

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CaliforniaA teacher at a Los Angeles school that counts singer Adam Levine among its alumni has been arrested after allegedly engaging in an affair with a 16-year-old student.

Chemistry professor Aimee Palmitessa, 45, was arrested on Friday morning and booked in on felony charges. …
The pretty blonde, who works for the elite Brentwood School, posted bail of $230,000 and was released later the same day. …

The school sits in one of LA’s ritziest neighborhoods and is famous for attracting celebrity parents, among them Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, whose son Liam, 16, is a pupil there. Reese Witherspoon’s daughter Ava, 17, whose father is Ryan Phillippe also attends.

Famous alumni include Patrick Schwarzenegger, 23, whose parents are former California governor Arnold, 70, and his ex-wife Maria Shriver, 61, and Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine, 38.

Comedian Jonah Hill, 33, Boy Meets World actor Ben Savage, 36, and socialite Talita von Fürstenberg, 18, also attended the school. …

Palmitessa holds a degree in biology from Syracuse University and later studied biochemistry and biophysics at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.

She was awarded a PHD in biochemistry and molecular biology by Thomas Jefferson University, also in Philadelphia, and wrote a paper on arresting the ageing process as part of her research work.

Look, I’m not one’s idea of a socialist. There have always been Haves and Have Nots and there always will be. Some people work harder to get ahead. Some have more talent. Some are just luckier. And there’s no sense in complaining about how unfair it is. But this is really unfair.

It’s not enough that you have all the advantages of a dad who’s the lead of one America’s most popular bands and on a huge reality show. Or happens to be Han Solo. Or your mom won an Oscar. Or your parents are the Governator and a Kennedy from back when being a Kennedy meant something. Or to go to a $40K a year school that can hire PhDs to teach high school chemistry. Now they’re enjoying the benefits of teacher sex too? Just saying you’re Indiana Jones’ kid and go to the same school as Jonah Hill and Ben Savage alone should be enough to get any kid laid. They don’t need teacher sex. If the world were even a little fair, that would strictly be the territory of the poor and middle class. But it’s not. Life just got better for kids who already have perfect lives. But then again, any time there’s a Teacher Sex Scandal, we all benefit.

The Grades:
Looks: We’ve really got A Tale of Two Hairdos here. I definitely prefer Long Haired Aimee. But I think I’d like Short Haired Aimee better if she was more Cersei Lannister and less Peter Pan. But for a 45-year-old chem teacher, she looks like a 35-year-old chem teacher. I like.
Grade: B

Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: Obviously the details are really lacking in this one. All we’ve got is an arrest, an obscene amount of bail and PTA meetings that must look like the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion on Oscar Night. I just hope the student she boned is some kid on an academic scholarship. I might be a free market guy, but I can root for the underdog.
Grade: C-

Intangibles: I guess we know Aimee’s method for arresting the ageing process. And you have to love the irony of getting arrested for it.
Grade: A

Overall: B. But let’s face it, this grade is totally built on her looks and the A-list school. She is a total candidate for a re-grade if we get more details. Be better, Brentwood.

Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 or email me at jerry@barstoolsports.com. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.