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2017 NFL Preseason Power Rankings

Football is back, which means it is time for completely subjective rankings of all the teams that you are sure to hate. Make sure to tweet those complaints over here and check out more NFL/Jets analysis here.

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THE FAVORITE 

1. New England Patriot

What’s Good – Their second team is better than any other team in their division.

What’s Bad – If they don’t go 19-0, they are choking underachievers. Belichick is getting soft in his old age. Gronk is done being Gronk, and Brady is retiring after this season.

 

THE CONTENDERS 

2. Green Bay Packers 

What’s Good – Aaron Rodgers. Martellus Bennett. An overrated division they should coast to double digit wins in.

What’s Bad – Mike McCarthy. No balance on offense and a defense that was eviscerated last postseason.

3. Seattle Seahawks 

What’s Good – The coaching and the defense.

What’s Bad – The offensive line. Richard Sherman hating Russell Wilson.

4. Houston Texans 

What’s Good – Brock Osweiler isn’t on their team any more. Deshaun Watson is going to be good.

What’s Bad – Bill O’Brien will play probably Tom Savage all year.

5. Pittsburgh Steelers 

What’s Good – Ben. Bell. Brown. Bryant.

What’s Bad – They will never beat New England in a game that matters.

PLAYOFFS EXPECTED 

6. Oakland Raiders 

What’s Good – Copious amounts of young talent and explosive players.

What’s Bad – Jack Del Rio is their coach and are we sure that Carr is THAT good?

7. Atlanta Falcons 

What’s Good –  JULIO. Desmond Trufant is back on defense.

What’s Bad – They are basically guaranteed to have a Super Bowl hangover. Matt Ryan will never play better than 2016.

8. Dallas Cowboys 

What’s Good – A monster offensive line, Dak, Dez and Dad Runner Jason Witten.

What’s Bad – No Zeke. Darren McFadden is 1,000 years old. Their defense will be shaky.

9. Arizona Cardinals 

What’s Good – Loaded with talent, particularly on defense. Good coaching.

What’s Bad – Carson Palmer might be Jake Delhomme now.

10. Kansas City Chiefs 

What’s Good - They drafted Patrick Mahomes.

What’s Bad – They will play Alex Smith all year.

11. New York Giants 

What’s Good – If they make the Super Bowl, they will beat New England…again.

What’s Bad – Their offensive line. Eli is old.

PLAYOFF BUBBLE 

12. Carolina Panthers

What’s Good – Good luck defending Cam Newton and Christian McCaffrey in the same backfield.

What’s Bad – Their best wide receiver weighs more than most team’s offensive tackles.

13. Tampa Bay Bucs 

What’s Good – Jameis. Mike Evans. DeSean Jackson. OJ Howard. POINTS!

What’s Bad – Their division is loaded. Hard Knocks curse.

14. Tennessee Titans 

What’s Good – They got help for Marcus Mariota. The AFC South is bad.

What’s Bad – Coaching.

15. Denver Broncos 

What’s Good – The defense, specifically the pass rush.

What’s Bad – Their quarterbacks are awful.

16. Minnesota Vikings 

What’s Good - Sweet new stadium. The defense.

What’s Bad – Sam Bradford behind that offensive line.

PRETEND PLAYOFF CONTENDERS 

17. Cincinnati Bengals 

What’s Good – Not a great division. Always a good defense. AJ Green.

What’s Bad – Marvin Lewis and Andy Dalton.

18. Washington Redskins 

What’s Good – Terrelle Pryor. Watching them botch the Kirk Cousins situation.

What’s Bad – The defense. No running game.

19. Detroit Lions

What’s Good - They will score a bunch of points.

What’s Bad – They are a lock for regression after all of last year’s luck.

20. Miami Dolphins 

What’s Good – Head Coach seems competent.

What’s Bad – Jay Cutler is their quarterback.

21. New Orleans Saints 

What’s Good – The offense.

What’s Bad – The defense. (same story as always).

22. Philadelphia Eagles 

What’s Good – They think they found their franchise QB.

What’s Bad – That QB is Carson Wentz.

NOT GOOD 

23. Baltimore Ravens 

What’s Good – Coaching. The defense should be okay.

What’s Bad – Everything else. Everyone is hurt.

24. Indianapolis Colts 

What’s Good – Andrew Luck, if he’s healthy. They fired Ryan Grigson.

What’s Bad – Everything else, especially the defense and offensive line.

25. Los Angeles Chargers 

What’s Good – Philip Rivers and all his receiving weapons.

What’s Bad – Philip Rivers might be way past his prime, Loaded division.

26. Buffalo Bills 

What’s Good – They recognize they are rebuilding.

What’s Bad – Rebuilding means they will be bad this year.

THE BASEMENT 

27. San Francisco 49ers 

What’s Good – Their coach should be solid.

What’s Bad – The roster is depleted, especially on offense.

28. Chicago Bears  

What’s Good – Jordan Howard and Trubisky maybe being solid.

What’s Bad – 18M for Mike Glennon.

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29. New York Jets  

What’s Good – The defensive line and the young safeties.

What’s Bad – Just about everything else?

30. Los Angeles Rams 

What’s Good – Jeff Fisher is gone.

What’s Bad – Jared Goff looks like a backup punter who has never thrown a football before.

31. Jacksonville Jaguars  

What’s Good – The defense and Leonard Fournette.

What’s Bad – Blake Bortles looks like a drunk throwing a wet ham.

32. Cleveland Browns 

What’s Good – DeShone Kizer might be okay.

What’s Bad – They will probably start Brock Osweiler.