Does Unicycle Hockey Need Enforcers?

Pretty obvious answer here, right? Clearly unicycle hockey needs enforcers. The sport is entirely too dangerous without them. I’m sorry but I don’t want to live in a world where one of these fuckers can stick you right in the spokes and not even have to think twice about it. You ever hang out with somebody who rides a unicycle? They are sneaky, shifty little bastards. I wouldn’t trust one of them as far as I could ride a unicycle myself. So if you think for one minute these guys can play a clean game for 60 full minutes, you’re dead wrong. And that’s what we have enforcers for.

It’s not that I want to see fights. It’s not that I enjoy watching guys bleed. It’s simply for the good of the game and for the safety of all players. Like look at my guy right here.

That puck protection is Crosby-esque. Guy clearly has a ton of skill. But without any enforcers out there to protect him, what’s stopping anybody from sending him face first into the boards, taking the seat off his unicycle and shoving the seat post up his ass? Nothing, that’s what.

But real talk–Unicycle hockey needs enforcers because it’s boring as hell without any fights. Barely a step above watching a bunch of sociology majors play a quick round of quidditch in the quad before class starts.