Scottish Man Tries To Rob A Store, Gets Beaten With Mop; Tries to Rob Another Store, Gets Beaten With Mop Again
Source – A robber carrying a knife was beaten with mops in two consecutive raids as he was trying to loot off-licences.
Stephen Hoggan, 49, has been jailed for five years after he admitted robbing three branches of One O One off-licence in Glasgow with a knife in April 2017.
After being hit by a mop as he fled from one shop making away with £37 from the till, Hoggan was mopped out of another branch of the franchise the following day by a shop assistant after he stole two bottles of alcohol. On a third occasion, he admitted escaping with “a quantity of cigarettes and alcohol”, the BBC reports.
He was sentence to five years in jail by the Lord Justice Clerk Lady Dorrian at the High Court in Glasgow.
I wish this had video. I imagine Stephen Hogan as the drunker, more boisterous version Groundskeeper Willy. The whole thing sounds like an episode of The Simpsons.
He got drunk (probably):
Ran out of booze (allegedly):
Hopped on his tractor (most likely):
Got a knife (definitely):
Went to the off-license (liquor) store:
And was beaten with a mop:
Twice. Stephen and Willie are basically the same person. And by “same person” I mean “Scottish.”
Whenever someone gets jail time I always ask, “Pat, does the punishment fit the crime?” Most of the time it does. However in the case of Stephan Hogan, it doesn’t. Twice out of thrice times he was on the receiving end of a mop handle. And not like Vito from The Sopranos.
Regardless, five years is five years. Which is a long time when you’re forty-nine. All for a “quantity of cigarettes and alcohol.” It was a good run, Steve. See you when you’re fifty-four.
Obligatory Fat Bastard clip :
