ESPN 8 "The Ocho" Was A Resounding Success And Needs To Be A Permanent Thing

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Yesterday, all I did was watch ESPN 8/ESPN U because it was nothing short of spectacular. It was everything and it should have been, except it was 13 years too late. It took ESPN’s steady decline in ratings for them to realize this is what the public wants to see. I found myself watching the World Championship of Darts at 10 AM because the fans react to a guy getting three triple 20’s in a row like it’s a goal in soccer. I mean there were hundreds, maybe thousands, of fans in the crowd going absolutely nuts, chanting songs and what not, over a fucking darts championship. This is what “The Ocho” was supposed to be, and it was just getting started.

Next we had arm wrestling, which was basically run like a WWE match, except it was all real.

There was trash talk all over the place. I mean in the first match they had going, one of the guys literally got up from his grip and said there was no way he could possibly lose. Just kept screaming it. I have no idea how people commentate arm wrestling, but it was way, way better than most sporting events. Pure electricity all around.

Then we got some Kabaddi going. It’s literally just competitive tag in the most absurd way ever.

Who in God’s name thought of this game and was like yeah fuck it we’re going to go all in with this, well God bless em.

The best part of Kabaddi might have to be the trophy. I mean this bad boy is easily in the top five of trophies in the world of sports not even a question.

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And finally, the big tamale…The Moxie Games.

I don’t actually know what I was watching, but I could not stop watching it. We had two teams with dodge balls, mostly shirtless, trying to guard their main guy in the back who was juggling bowling pins. Whichever team’s bowling pin guy dropped his pin first lost the round. The cast of characters during this event was identical to Dodgeball the movie. We had a team of savages who were shirtless, doing crazy flips left and right (they won). We had a group of smokeshows in yoga pants who could not have been worse at this game than they were. I mean they lasted three seconds every single time the whistle blew to begin throwing. Zero concept of how to protect their guy and no chance of knocking pins over because their throws were coming in at 10 mph. We even had a group of guys all in jeans who looked like they were all shopping at a Home Depot right before they got pulled into this. It was simply remarkable.

Then we got some good old fashion rock paper scissors because duh….

And whatever this is…I’m so in.

Sure, some soccer ping pong which is just absolutely outrageous to watch

At the end of the day this needs to be on from April until the end of August non stop on ESPN U. What else is ESPN U going to show on a Wednesday afternoon in July? We’re going to talk about the upcoming college football season which is three months away? We gonna talk about concussions and how college football is too dangerous? Seriously, there is no reason this should not become a permanent thing. Big Cat said this on the rundown the other day, but waking up hungover on a Saturday, during the summer, only to turn on the Moxie Games with guys juggling bowling pins is a life I NEED to live. Could you imagine they got Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks to call one of these things? Ratings bonanza. Do the right the right thing ESPN for one goddamn time.