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Outrageous Human Being Is Dressing Up Like A Car Seat And Pretending To Be A Driverless Car

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Buckle up for this absurd story.

Last week there was a story about a driverless car in Arlington:

ARL NOW - A mysterious, seemingly driverless van was spotted cruising the streets of Arlington’s Courthouse and Clarendon neighborhoods Thursday evening.

The unmarked gray van with Virginia license plates drove up and down Wilson and Clarendon Blvds more than a half dozen times — with no one in the driver’s seat or passenger seat. The rear windows of the Ford Transit Connect van were darkly tinted.

The van appeared to drive cautiously but keep up with traffic. Cameras and a light bar could be seen behind the windshield.

When the car stopped at a red light, the light bar started blinking. When the signal turned green and the car started driving, the blinking stopped.

The lack of a driver went mostly unnoticed as Clarendon residents went around their after-work routines near the Metro station, though occasionally people could be seen pointing at the car or asking someone nearby if they saw a driver.

The future is here! Cars without drivers! It’s a modern technology miracle! No more car accidents! Millions of lives saved! They even made a video of this amazing car:

Well, flash forward to yesterday. The news caught wind of this, and in typical news fashion, like Watergate and Spotlight, had to start sticking their noses everywhere. And boy is it ridiculous:

“I’m from the news, dude!” is an all time great line….multiplied by 10000000 cause this dude is DISGUISED AS A SEAT.

Adam Tuss, don’t give up. Don’t you dare give up. Could this be something out of Area 51? Marshall Henderson running a new social experiment? Google continuing to take over the world and that isn’t a person at all, but some sort of Jetsons-esque robot programmed to drive us humans around? “I’m from the news, dude” Adam Tuss is on the verge of cracking an all time great story, no doubt in my mind.