I Am A Very Excited Person For The Upcoming Solar Eclipse


So I was scouring the interwebs looking for something to blog about. Might not sound that bad but on a summer Friday it actually sucks balls. Worst part of the job. Scroll through all of this dogshit news about shit that Francis writes about like death and horror and then trying to gift wrap that into some sort of jolly Friday blog for the folks. It’s hard.

But then I stumbled across some dumbass story about libraries giving away free eclipse glasses and I got excited. Not because of the glasses. Fuck the glasses. If you’re one of these dweebs catching the eclipse with special glasses you’re an idiot.

I got excited because on August 21st we’re going to have a total solar eclipse (in New England it’ll be like 50% but whatever). Shit only happens once every 375 years. Love it. Huge eclipse guy. How could you not be? Our giant ball of fire, the sun, which I’ve famously revealed my respect for, aligning behind the moon right smack dab in the middle of the day? Huge ass space objects doing cool shit that makes this day not like every other day? Fuck yeah. Can’t wait.

It also reminded me of one of my favorite historical events: The Battle of the Eclipse, also referred to the Eclipse of Thales. I don’t want to get too into it here but if you don’t know, this was a battle between the Medes and the Lydians in 585 BCE. The armies start fighting, killing, slaughtering, grinding, and right when the battle reaches its peak, in the middle of the damn day, boom, the sun goes out. Darkness save for the obviously visible eclipse.

Now, think about how religious and spiritual these fuckers were. It’s damn near 6 centuries before Christ. When a bird shits on someone they have huge conferences and it changes the entire historical trajectory of their civilizations. And here we have, in the middle of a massive battle, in the middle of the day, the fucking sun just goes out? What?

So both sides stopped fighting, they made some sort of deal, and everybody lived happily ever after. Great tale. And that was talking history.

Bottom line, pumped for Aug 21. Fucking love eclipses.