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The Mooch Leaked His Communications Plan For The White House And It Is Fantastic

US-POLITICS-SCARAMUCCI

The Mooch is refusing to disappear, thankfully. He will give his side of the story Friday, in an “online event” (welcome to the club buddy), and has just recently leaked his own White House communications plan. It’s a July 30 memo serving as his plans to make drastic changes to the communications team going forward. It is great. Here are some of my favorite highlights.

– The Mooch wanted to focus on how good Trump is at golf and do a national online lottery where people can win rounds of golf with the President:

“For example, POTUS is the best golfer to serve as President. Perhaps, we embrace it with a national online lottery to play a round of golf with him … or a charity auction. POTUS has a funny and irreverent side which was shared with the electorate during the campaign.”

– He wanted to introduce a complaint box for the press to stuff their complaints.

– The first thing on the list was to meet with incoming chief of staff General John Kelly. Ironic, for John Kelly would immediately dismiss The Mooch.

– He wanted Trump to post frequent op-eds in newspapers.

– He wanted to take questions from the people on live cam (Dave walks to work?).

– He wanted to implement what we in the media world call The Nardini Approach:

“Implement a series of professionalizing initiatives immediately,” the memo reads. “For example, no WH communication staffer goes home without returning all calls, emails, and texts. People may not like our answers — but they should always be treated professionally and respectfully (obviously, this starts with the new Director of Communications).”

You can read the full memo, which was just a draft and never sent, here.

The Mooch is having a hell of a posthumous week. He was even offered $500K to be the communications director for a damn porn company!

SourceA pornography site offered former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci $500,000 on Monday to oversee its communications strategy.

CamSoda Vice President Darren Press made an offer of employment to Scaramucci hours after he was relieved of his White House duties Monday afternoon, according to a copy of the letter released Tuesday.

“Similar to your previous role, you’ll be required to give daily press briefings on an assortment of topics ranging in material — everything from the positives of safe sex to the best positions for people to try to even a quick rundown of upcoming cam shows that will be featured on our platform, touting the impressive roster of models we have,” Press wrote.

CamSoda was founded in 2014 and features live broadcasts from professional and amateur pornstars.

Press asked Scaramucci to consider the “millions” of people around the world he could reach from the new platform on behalf of “virtual reality and remote sex, aka teledildonics.”

Pretty easy gig in my opinion. “Hey porn is fun, porn is great, people like porn, everyone keep downloading and streaming porn.” Boom, done. People will continue to watch porn at alarming rates and you’ll look great. Maybe bring back the photoshopping hot celeb’s faces onto pornstars’ bodies a la yesterday’s Rundown and you’ll be elevated to king of the porns.

Gotta love The Mooch. Always have always will. Can’t wait for his online event.

White House Communications Team Reshuffled, With Sean Spicer Resignation And Anthony Scaramucci Appointed Director