Ray Lewis Gives Colin Kaepernick Advice in the Most Ray Lewis Way Imaginable


When I follow a link to any Ray Lewis video, I go into it with unbelievably high expectations. And when that video is Ray giving Colin Kaepernick the life coaching that neither Kapernick nor anyone else asked for, I expect pure gold. And as always, he does not disappoint.

This is Ray Lewis at his absolute best. Narcissistic. Un-self-aware. Rambling. Incoherent. Sentence fragments that don’t go anywhere. Pronouns without antecedents. Non-sequiturs. Blending his signature phony religiosity with his remarkable ability to make everything be about himself. Demonstrating once again why he’s the best football analyst who’s confessed to Obstruction of Justice in a double homicide case in the business.

Let’s go to the video tape:

0:00 – 0:11: “How crazy is I’m just leaving set at Fox and I’m getting all these texts and stuff about all this Colin Kaepernick stuff and all this stuff?” Answer? Really, really, wicked crazy. And stuff.
0:11: “Let me explain something to you.” “I’m gonna keep it real simple with this.” We’re not 15 seconds in and already Ray is treating us to two catchphrases of the true asshole. Leaving us just “Listen up and you might learn something” away from the Douchbag Trifecta.
0:30: “Kap, I pray for you more than you can ever imagine. Your name is in my Bible!” Meaning what, exactly? Did he scribble it in there? Cross out ever “Jesus” and replace it with “Kaepernick”? I’ve never actually read the Bible, but does it have blank spaces like doing Mad Libs?
0:35: “My brother, everyone else can speak for you but until you speak for yourself and demand what you want to do with your life, it’s totally on you. It’s crazy that you always see people trying to respond. “ So then why make this video exactly?
1:00: “I’ve made mistakes in my life. But I promise you if you look at my track record, I’ve never made the same mistake twice.” I could say that the families of Reginald Oakley and Joseph Sweeting disagree. And Ray is a man who posed the cover of SI praying twice. But Colin Kaepernick doesn’t have a job right now and is probably wondering how this became all about Ray’s career. I know I am.
1:15: “I’m in the streets everyday. EVERYDAY. So while people talking ‘What’s with this?’ and “Why Ray say this?’ and ‘Why Ray say that?’ Ray ain’t saying nothing!” First, everyone is in the streets every single day. The rest of us just call it “leaving the house.” Second, if Ray ain’t saying nothing, what is the point of this exercise then? Last, I think him talking in the third person wins us that Trifecta.
1:30: “And that’s why I take each and every one of these kids. And that’s why I take them away from their environments and give them something else to see in life. And that’s why I played the way I played.” Just when this was getting interesting with Ray talking about his career in human trafficking, we’re back to his football days.
1:50“What you do off the field, don’t let too many people know.” Says the Man of God with six kids by four women and a missing blood-splattered suit. It took all of two minutes, but he finally gave Kaepernick some advice on a topic he’s an expert on.