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A Lesson In #CankleLife

2014-04-14 12.12.37


How much do you love me for showing you that picture of my cankle right after lunch?  You’re welcome.  Anyway so I fired off that tweet above earlier after the absolutely ridiculous news that Kate Upton hates her upper body cannons.  Ya know, the things that make her relevant.  Reactions to my tweet ranged from pure disgust to some of my fellow cankle brothers and sisters locking arm in arm and signing kumbaya and celebrating the fact that we don’t have ankles.  A real mixed bag.  Well I’m here to tell you that living the #CankleLife is better than living the non-cankle life. I’ve compiled a Pros/Cons list to prove it.


-Durability. Ask me if I’ve ever twisted an ankle.  Because I haven’t.  No idea what that feels like.  I played football all four years of high school and never once had to sit out because of a bum ankle.  People constantly cry about twisting their ankles and I’m just standing nodding my head like I know what they’re talking about.  When in reality I’m laughing inside about awesome my cankles are.

-Evolution.  This sort of ties in with the twisted ankle thing.  People who have cankles are further evolved than the rest of the population.  That’s just science.  Thousands of years from now when the world as we know it is completely gone and they’re digging up our bones, they’ll find me and my family’s bones and have to form committees and hold conferences to figure out what evolved species we were.

-Community.  Meeting somebody who also has cankles is like running into a friend you haven’t seen in 20 years.  Instant connection.  I won’t go as far to say that people with cankles are cooler, but people with cankles are cooler.

-Battle Ready.  When aliens come to Earth and they want to play a big game of Red Rover to decide who’s at the top of the food chain, who do you think the president will call?  The cankle people.

Cons(only one):


-Exposure.  Wearing shorts is a risky endeavor.  Exposing these bad boys to the world is always an adventure.  Some people just aren’t ready for them.  Even before my recent Bieber fame, I knew how celebrities felt when they went out in public.  Having cankles is pretty much the same thing as being crazy famous.  People are constantly pointing, whispering and pulling out their camera phones to snap a picture.  When my brother and I go out drinking during the spring and summer you’d think we were the Hemsworths the way people gawk.

So there you have it.  If you’re one of the lucky ones who was blessed with cankles, don’t feel bad.  Embrace your abnormally shaped legs.  The cankle community supports you.  Because at the end of the day, we didn’t choose the cankle life.  The cankle life chose us.