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Bartman Getting A Ring Is NOT A Joke

steve-bartman_2016-world-series-championship-ring

Listen I’m not trying to be in open disagreement with executive management at barstool sports but at the same time I can’t get pushed around like some meatball pussy. On behalf of Chicago and drunken Cubs fans everywhere, no fuckin thanks. Steve Bartman deserves closure and if it comes in the form of custom blood diamonds and symbolic sapphire then I’m on board and the rest of you filthy animals are coming with me.

Bartman had to go into witness protection and move across the country because professional athletes and millionaire executives refused to take accountability. Because Kerry Wood got his tits lit in game 7. Because Alex Gonzalez can’t turn the most routine fucking 6-4-3 in the history of routine 6-4-3’s. Because Mark Prior and Kyle Farnsworth proceeded to pump belt high sliders ONLY. Because Moises Alou has the balls to admit that he pisses on his hands before games, but didn’t have the courage to say ehhhh I probably don’t catch that ball anyways for a good 10 years. Ten goddamn years.

No one stepped up. They just let an average 26 year old Notre Dame grad from Northbrook marinate in death threats then get stuffed in a body bag and shipped down to Miami. The funny thing is Steve Bartman is basically the poster boy for nerd Cubs’ fans everywhere and *spoiler alert* there are nerd Cubs’ fans  e v e r y w h e r e. So in that sense he’s practically a martyr and pussification or not, martyrs get world series championship rings 10 out of 10 times and twice on Sunday.

PS – Here’s Bartman’s full statement. Real talk it is down right awful this guy took the beating he did in the media. Hopefully he and his family can move on as it sounds like he’s still in living hell.

Although I do not consider myself worthy of such an honor, I am deeply moved and sincerely grateful to receive an official Chicago Cubs 2016 World Series Championship ring. I am fully aware of the historical significance and appreciate the symbolism the ring represents on multiple levels. My family and I will cherish it for generations. Most meaningful is the genuine outreach from the Ricketts family, on behalf of the Cubs organization and fans, signifying to me that I am welcomed back into the Cubs family and have their support going forward. I am relieved and hopeful that the saga of the 2003 foul ball incident surrounding my family and me is finally over.

I humbly receive the ring not only as a symbol of one of the most historic achievements in sports, but as an important reminder for how we should treat each other in today’s society. My hope is that we all can learn from my experience to view sports as entertainment and prevent harsh scapegoating, and to challenge the media and opportunistic profiteers to conduct business ethically by respecting personal privacy rights and not exploit any individual to advance their own self-interest or economic gain.

Moreover, I am hopeful this ring gesture will be the start of an important healing and reconciliation process for all involved. To that end, I request the media please respect my privacy, and the privacy of my family. I will not participate in interviews or further public statements at this time.

Words alone cannot express my heartfelt thanks to the Ricketts family, Crane Kenney, Theo Epstein, and the entire Cubs organization for this extraordinary gift, and for providing the City of Chicago and Cubs fans everywhere an unforgettable World Championship in 2016. I am happy to be reunited with the Cubs family and positively moving forward with my life.”