And here I am, minding my own business attempting to get through another Monday and…BAM! Our very own Barstool Sports Instagram page tosses up a mindfuck for the ages. Look at this shit. I can’t even sit Indian style without having both MCL’s explode at the speed of sound and this nimble little minx can literally toss her own salad…not that there’s anything wrong with that. But in no way, shape or form should a human body bend that way outside of a car wreck. This thing is straight out of Paranormal Activity. And I’ll tell ya what, this lady has gotta be a certified DEMON in the sack. Or maybe just a possessed demon in general. Like Jerry with the Romanian silver medalist, just imagining the possibilities with this female Gumby makes it move to the moon. I don’t care if the entity within her starts unleashing hell mid-thrust, the thought of getting the boys licked by the same person whose cheeks you’re beating has to be on some sort of bucket list I just created. Very impressive, indeed.
Unrelated but related, anytime I mention tossing a salad in a blog, I have an obligation to post one of the greatest stand-up bits of our time. Long live the Tossed Salad Man. May whatever incarceration you’re locked inside have the sweetest of syrups.