I Am Confirming The Internet Theory That Outback Steakhouse Is A Satanic Cult

I’m gonna have to agree with @eatmyaesthetics here. When something or someone is so far ahead of the game in their respective field, I’m pretty sure all that means is that they made a deal with Satan. You simply can’t get all too far in life without making a deal with the Devil. It’s success 101.

Take Jay-Z for example: he’s practically the most successful rapper the world’s ever seen and being in the illuminati is most definitely one of his 99 problems. Throw up the roc? Nope…more like throw up the freemason logo. There’s more Jay-Z illuminati theories then there are Jay-Z songs on Tidal.


Let’s use George Washington as example #2. He was pretty important. Won a little tussle called the Revolutionary War, became the first president of the country he won the war for, and was married to this hot piece of ass.


You don’t get all that success without a little help from the man downstairs. Whatever that document is below is in the Library of Congress. I’m not making any assumptions, buuuuuut George Washington sold his soul to the devil.


And our final example is Outback Steakhouse. The greatest restaurant west of the Sydney Opera House. Where blokes and sheilas alike come together to enjoy american cuisine with an Australian flair. Foster’s on tap for daaaaays. It’s miles ahead of it’s subpar competition, quite like Jay-Z and George Washington, because of things as innovative as the Bloomin Onion. There is no rational way in which the idea for the Bloomin Onion didn’t come from Lucifer’s mind.

And just to further prove they are guilty, this response is straight from Satan’s playbook. Trying to be funny like the rest of the Internet, but falling way short.

Good try, Satan.