Jimmer "The Mormon Megalodon" Fredette Agrees to a 2 Year Deal with the Shanghai Sharks...On Shark Week No Less!!
First off, let me say this, if Jimmer intentionally waited until Shark Week to finalize this deal he is a PR SAVANT!! Secondly, what a relief! Jimmy buckets definitely has some unfinished work to do out here. I feel our playoff run last season was a bit of a disappointment for reasons beyond our control. Jimmer had to miss the first game of the playoffs due to his son being born in Colorado and Yabusele ended up tweaking his ankle. Didn’t exactly put our best fin forward. Luckily, it looks like the emotional farewell we gave Fredette inspired him to take another dip in The Shark Tank. The Mormon Megalodon is coming back to China and he’s coming back HUNGRY.
In my honest opinion this is a MUCH better decision than trying to stage an NBA comeback and that’s not just due to the fact I’m a Shark fanboy. It’s not like he’s playing for one of those CBA teams that are in some shitty 3rd tier city and are owned by an unhinged coal tycoon(those definitely do exist tho). He’s playing in Shanghai, which offers all the comforts of any top tier US city if you can afford them (which he can).
The season is really short too so all he needs to do is spend 3-4 months of the year in China, get treated like a God, stack paper, and hopefully bring the Shark’s its first title since Yao Ming was on the team. Beats the grueling stress and negative press that come with trying to hold onto an NBA roster spot.
All in all this is shaping up to be quite an exciting season. Joining Jimmer you got the scoring champion of the Russian league, Nick Minnerath, who more or less grew up down the road from me in Mass (and who has come a LONG way). SHOELACE and PONY TAIL will be back. And with Marbury only playing one last year with some whack ass team called the “Fly Dragons,” the stage is set for Tyler Hansborough to take over the villain role. Tread carefully Hansy Boi, if you think Sharks are intimidated by your nickname “Pyscho T” you clearly aren’t a marine biologist. Shed so much as a drop of blood in The Tank and the only locker you’ll be seeing after the game is Davey Jones’s.
P.S. In honor of this news and the fact it’s Shark Week all Mormon Megalodon swag is back in stock as well as a special edition orange “Shark Tank”. These things won’t be going out of style anytime soon as the Age of Sharks is upon us!!
