This Cyclist's Legs After 16 Stages Of The Tour De France Are Straight Out Of A Nightmare

Well I guess this is the shit they decide not to show in the ESPN Body Issue. Yeah they will publish some bodies that look like they are cut from granite while getting as close to showing a boob or a dick without actually showing a boob or a dick. But they don’t show us what legs look like after 16 days of grinding shit out on a bike with black and blue dogs that must be absolutely BARKING.

And you know who that sucks for? Lance Armstrong. I feel like if Lance had taken a picture of his legs after a couple of weeks riding the bike, the court of public opinion would instantly let him off the hook for any doping allegations. Spin your blood, do HGH, stab a needle of horse testosterone straight to the jugular. Do whatever you have to do to fight off whatever your body feels like when it looks like the picture above. You shouldn’t have to suffer through that shit like that with Advil and Gatorade like the common men and women of the world. Anyone that has ever had a leg cramp straight up paralyze them in the middle of the night has to have empathy for athletes like this. And then once the people welcome Lance back into their lives with open arms, we can start slinging yellow rubber bands and partying with Matthew McConaughey again.