Entourage! Mother fucking Entourage! It’s one of my favorite shows ever created. Friends, Seinfeld, Curb, and Entourage- the only shows that are good enough to watch on a cycle while I lay in bed for endless hours fighting off ghosts and ghouls. As I’m writing this blog my tweet about Entourage has gotten a bunch of replies so I figured I’ll make a definitive list of the 13 Best Entourage moments that were sent to me. I have no idea how I’m gonna pick the order, but let’s fucking do it. Throw on some Superhero and enjoy.
#13 “I’m baaaack”
I figured it would be best to get the paintball scene out of the way early. If you’re introducing someone to the beautiful human being that is Ari Gold this is more than most likely the scene you’re going to be showing off…not that there’s anything wrong with what. When it’s all set and done it’s clearly Ari’s most iconic scene and there’s nothing worse than showing someone a video you love and they have the reaction of Stephen Hawking during sex. This is the Krazee-Eyez Killa of Entourage as it’s the obvious choice for #1 along with “Let’s hug it out bitch” but I’m a wild & crazy guy so it’s staying steady at #13.
#12 “I guess we going to Cannes!”
Entourage is known for it’s celebrity cameos ranging from people LeBron James to David Schwimmer to Gary Busey to Larry David to Matt Damon. This is potentially the best one. I love the randomness of it as well as it actually helping along with the storyline. Just when you think Vinny and the boys are gonna miss the Medellin premiere in Cannes (don’t worry, it went great) they get some help via Yeezy. Super RETRO ‘Ye at that. That’s The Good Life Kanye! That’s the Slow Jamz Kanye! That’s the Gold Digger Kanye!
11. “He was talking about E, not me right?”
Harvey Weinstein was one of my favorite characters on the show. A scary motherfucker that is scary for a goddamn reason. Poor E was too much of a bitch to tell Harvey they’re taking Medellin to the open market at Cannes so this was the perfect opportunity to break the news to him after getting having security wrap him up already for a fight over a drink. Drama’s line at the end is tremendous. Too bad he wound up buying it for the hefty price of a buck.
10. “Like wife #1 and therapist #7. GOOD DAY.”
Thank God someone else tweeted this at me! I was worried sick no one else would mention my personal favorite scene. This was nice to enjoy in the dark times of Entourage when Vince left Ari for Amanda Daniels. That was even worse than the time on Friends when Chandler left Joey to live alone. Ironically the actor that played Nicky Rubinstein was an annoyance in both of those plots.
#9 “Sit Down”
I’ll be honest with you here- I’ve never thought this was too hilarious, but Smitty and Frankie Borrelli came in hot with their utter love for this moment and I’m a man of the people so here it is. After watching it a couple of times there is no doubt that it’s Drama at his best. It was so hot that there was a fucking blackout…poor guy just wanted to get home and cool off. He’s old. Don’t sleep on One Day in the Valley being the best episode of the series.
#8 “See if you can read this”
A wonderful bizarro redemption by Ari Gold here. He was getting to be a bit too soft so he had to visit his therapist on the golf course and next thing you know he’s firing guys with sight problems like the Ari Gold we know and love. No love for Eddie?
#7 “Yeah E make the call, tell Sloan I said whattup”
This is ALL-TIME shit. Seth Green, baby! One of the biggest villains in Entourage history along with the likes of Jason Patric, Johnny Galecki, and Bobby Flay. He really better not have fucked Sloan. Sloan’s a Major League Hall of Famer and Seth Green is working his way out of a Low-A ball. Not to mention this Vegas episode is one of the only episodes that can contend with One Day in the Valley for the crown.
#6 “You need JoJo the dog-faced bitchboy? Call Josh Weinfuck”
Who the fuck does Josh Weinstein think he is trying to steal clients from Ari like he’s Sly Cooper? He didn’t have the same faith in Vince when he tried to get him on a Frank Darabont pilot later in the series. Vince is a MOVIE star…not a TV star. He ain’t Gary Sinise (shoutout Lt. Dan). On Ari’s forefront this was maybe his first mega-moment. Easily one of his Season 1 highlights along with “Let’s hug it out bitch”.
#5 “Did you get theeeee Billy Walsh script?”
Lloyd is the best. He didn’t get too much play in the tweets made to me earlier but this is one time he shines. Obviously Ari is the highlight here yet Lloyd is the reason that the hilarity ensues just like so many other times. The Ari & Lloyd combination is just as amazing as Jerry & George, Joey & Chandler, and Kramer & Mickey. Endless laughs. You little fuckin’ slut Lloyd!
#4 “Those real? The implants”
All Drama wanted was some implants because it sucks when you feel insecure about yourself. Pamela Anderson can get fake tits. Rex Ryan can get his stomach stapled shut. Drama should be able to get calf implants if he wants to so he first approached Lamar Odom about it and later this dude at Jessica Alba’s party at her beachside crib. Shoutout to E for fucking that perfect 10 model that night though.
#3 “I am the fucking game, pal”
Another Drama moment! You think that chump Adam Davies is gonna get a free pass for telling Drama he needs to “get back in the game”. No, no, no. Yo Adam-he is the fucking game pal. He’s been working steady for the past 12 years…minus the last 3.
#2 “Mean was when I made Jess Mancini ride her bike home after I ass fucked her”
I’ll just let this one speak for itself.
#1 “Unless Carmen Electra calls for an emergency titty fuck, DON’T ANSWER”
Numero uno. The big kahuna! Ari Gold quotes while ranting in his car are some of his best. Think “Do they drive that way in Tieneman Square bitch!” and “I drove to work in an $80,000 Mercedes, and I’m going home in a prop car from the Fast and the Furious, I just don’t see it…” Yet none of those top this. Ari being pretty fucking pissed fresh off of getting pressed by all the major agencies in town Godfather-style on whether or not he’s starting up his own shop led to the greatest moment in Entourage history.
That’s the top 13 list. Can’t wait to be back next year for the top 14 list. Tweet me @glenny_balls for any omissions as I’m sure there were a bunch. I’ll leave you with some honorable mentions that weren’t tweeted at me below. Watch an episode for me tonight.