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Trump Is Saving America By Introducing Three "Theme Weeks"

PoliticoWith Republicans’ health care bill in jeopardy, the White House is once again turning to a series of unrelated themed weeks to organize President Donald Trump’s schedule.

Over the next three weeks, the White House will hold events pertaining to three vaguely defined themes: “Made in America,” “American Heroes” and “American Dreams.”

Administration officials bristled at the notion that the themed weeks could distract from the debate over repealing and replacing Obamacare, one of the president’s biggest policy priorities.

“Every day and every week, in a sense, is a health care week,” a senior administration official told reporters during a briefing here. “It’s something that enormous White House and administration resources have been devoted to since Day One.”

A LOT going on right now. A LOT going on in the national political sphere. Much contention, much complication, much disagreement, much distrust. You know the best way to dumb it down? To ease the tension? To simplify and calm things? Well you resort to the classic kindergarten tactic of introducing…. THEME WEEKS!

Fucking love themes. Who doesn’t? Just a real easy excuse for everyone to believe in something. You take a normal party, for example, with no theme and what do you get? Boring. Awkward. Folks show up and ignore each other. Talk only with the folks you showed up with. Sucks.

But you take that same party, toss a theme on it, and voila… everyone comes in BLAZING. Flare on a million. People complimenting people. Snapping sweet pics. Bitches love themes (and so do dudes), so we’re taking all of American and simply slapping three thems on it. Three normal weeks transform into three celebratory weeks overnight courtesy of our beloved White House.

Hey what’s all that Russian meddling drama? Is Kim Jong Un nuking us? Are people on Obamacare going to die? Don’t know, don’t care, can’t hear you because it’s MADE IN AMERICA week:

This week will include at least two events tied to the “Made in America” theme, including a “product showcase,” in which American-made products from all 50 states will be brought to the White House. On Wednesday, the president will issue a proclamation on the importance of making products in America, White House spokeswoman Helen Aguirre Ferre said Sunday.

But shhhh don’t tell Ivanka.

Very excited to celebrate shit that’s made in America. And after Made In America week, we’ve got American Heroes and American Dreams? Big heroes and dreams guy. Especially American ones.

Thank god somebody’s out here creating themes to Make America Festive Again.

PS — Is the announcement of theme weeks actually just a teaser that something big is coming? Hmmm.

The White House’s past themed weeks — which focused on infrastructure, workforce development, technology and energy — have faced mockery on social media, with the president’s critics noting that major news events like former FBI Director James Comey’s testimony before Congress have largely overshadowed the administration’s efforts.