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"This Is Not A Normal Investigation. This Is A Political Witch Hunt." - Ted Wells, Not About Deflategate

It’s Friday. I’m in Newport. The sun is starting to shine. All I want to do is go drink a million beers. But I just had to rush back home and blog this, tears of laughter falling from my eyes each time my feet slammed into the pavement. I mean… I MEAN… is this not the funniest thing you’ve ever read in your entire life? Ted Wells, that mustachioed rat who was a hired gun of Roger Goodell, is now whining about “normal” investigations and witch hunts? I’m gonna lose weight over this because I don’t need dinner tonight, I’m quite full on irony.

What exactly do you mean by a “normal” investigation, Ted? What’s your definition of that? Is it hiring a junk science company, one who will claim that cigarettes aren’t bad for you as long as the money’s green enough? Is it ignoring the words of every scientist alive? Is it telling the person you’re investigating that you don’t need his cell phone and then punishing him for not turning over his cell phone? What about “independence”? Is that important in a normal investigation or would you prefer to feign that independence, preach it to the public at every turn, and then when it’s proven you were never independent proclaim that it doesn’t matter all, independence isn’t necessary.

You wanna talk witch hunts? What say you about the greatest quarterback who ever lived being embroiled in a multi-year long exercise in idiocy? How bout him being dragged in front of the media at every turn, forced to attend court hearings, and have his press conferences broken down on morning news shows by “lie experts”? Is that what a witch hunt is? Is it a commissioner strong arming the most successful franchise in the league because owners are mad that they’re too good and brutally punishing them for something teams have been told “hey, don’t do that anymore” when they broke the same “rule”? How about Tom Brady being told that his “cheating,” which never happened, was akin to STEROID ABUSE and attaching his name to an allegation like that in newspapers across the country all while you desperately tried to find an infraction that never existed in the first place? Is that the witch hunt we’re talking about?

Unbelievable, truly unbelievable, line here. I guess I’ve gotta tip my cap? Having the audacity to say something like that is nothing if not impressive and you know what? You gotta admit, if anyone knows anything about abnormal investigations and political witch hunts it’s Ted Wells, so maybe he’s on to something here.