Did You Know A "Tarantula Hawk Wasp" Is A Thing? Because It Is

Hope everyone got a good night’s sleep last night because you’re done for the foreseeable future, as you’re know painfully aware that this earth is inhabited by tarantula hawk wasps. They’re an actual insect that breathes the same air you and I do. What the FUCK is that all about, man? Who did this? What Dr. Frankenstein fuckhead created this thing in a lab because I know the good lord wouldn’t do such a thing, not my god at least.

I’ll tell you who I’m even more mad at though, who catches even more of my ire than this beast’s creator, and that’s the asshole who named it. That’s a bullshit name for an insect. Remember in Armageddon when Owen Wilson asks what the environment is like on the asteroid and once he’s told he says, “Oh… ok. Scariest environment imaginable”? That’s the only reasonable reaction to hearing this thing’s name.

Advertisement

“What’s that flying thing called?”

“A tarantula hawk wasp”

“Oh… ok. The scariest collection of words outside of ‘pregnancy’ imaginable. Why didn’t you just say that?”

Goodness, gracious, etymologists (I swear to god I got that right first guess, amazing job by me) are going to study this thing one day and realize the name’s origin is just some dick who wanted to inspire as much fear as possible in people. Call it a goddamn Teletubbie, dude, there’s no need to scare people like this.

And in case you’re wondering, I have no idea what you’re supposed to do if you’re bitten by one. I didn’t click that link because I don’t need anymore tarantula hawk wasp pictures in my mind. I assume you just kill yourself? Give the monster your wallet and beg for it to stop bullying you? Grab a machete and cut your arm off to present the disease from spreading like in World War Z? Any of those seem like reasonable reactions.

Oh wait, someone tweeted me what you’re supposed to do:

Just lie down and scream. That’s the advice of scientists. Lie down and scream.

Congrats to this guy, he nailed it.