— E:60 (@E60) July 1, 2017
So Tom Brady sat down with E:60 over the weekend, which was more or less like watching your wife having lunch with the ex who cheated on her and posted her on Revenge Porn sites. But I’ve just learned to accept that this is his deal. He’s going to read his copy of “The Four Agreements” and do his Zen thing with his enemies. Instead of breaking the chair over the interviewer’s head then spray painting “ESPN LIES” on his back the way Hollywood Hogan did “NWO,” like he would if he’d just listen to me.
As you’d expect, the interview didn’t exactly break any news or peel back the layers of Brady’s onion. It was all about how amazing China is and his commitment to his health so he can compete at a high level, the usual stuff. But one thing it did to was establish the question he’s going to keep having to answer once he hits Contractually Obligated Interview season in a few weeks: He’s going to get the “Gisele said you had a concussion” question. Early. Often. And repeatedly. This was his answer this time:
“She’s there every day. I mean, we go to bed, you know, in the same bed every night. So I think she’s, you know, she knows when I’m sore. She knows when I’m tired. She knows, you know, when I get hit. I mean, we drive home together. But she also knows how well, you know, I take care of myself. She’s a very concerned wife and very loving.”
You know how people like to say Brady should run for office when his playing days are over? I’m saying he should maybe run the State Department instead because that is some first rate diplomacy. A veteran husband move of the highest order. Every successfully married man knows there is no upside in saying your wife is wrong. Ever. The first casualty of a happy, fully-functioning marriage is truth. At least when your wife is wrong about something. Whether she deleted the show you wanted to watch or let her car go 2,000 miles past the time to change the oil or told the world you got concussed, you swallow your tongue on that if you place any value your happiness. Even if she went on an interstate killing spree, unless you feel like spending the next six months masturbating to your phone in the bathroom, you say nothing. Right does not make might.
And that’s exactly what Brady did. He didn’t say Gisele is right. But for sure he didn’t say she’s wrong. He kept it tight. Just spit out a perfectly seasoned word soup about how she knows him, she’s concerned and she’s loving. Saying nothing is the quintessential art of diplomacy, and he nailed it. He delivered the elusive Peace in Our Time. We’ve already established he’s the football GOAT. But the way he’s handling Mrs. Brady’s mess up on the concussion thing proves he’s the marriage GOAT too.