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Hippo vs. Rhino — Who Ya Got?


A little Barstool Sports throwback blog with an old school Who Ya Got to answer the age old question of Hippo vs. Rhino. I feel like we don’t see hippos and rhinos square off all that often. I’m not sure if it’s because they have a pact going back to the Jurassic age when they were surrounded by their dinosaur brethren, but this shit doesn’t seem to go down often.

Now me, I would have had the rhino going in as a -250 favorite on a neutral field. Even with the water, I would have placed him at -140. Yeah hippos are ornery motherfuckers and have jaws that could crush a watermelon like it was a run of the mill gumball. But much like the Yankees and their pinstripes, I can’t stop staring at that horn. That shit should be able to deal with any predator of the wild, let alone a water rhino without a horn. Add in skin that looks like its bulletproof, and I’m taking the rhino every damn time. Even if the hippo had a little stooge hippo cheering him on.

But in the end, water was the rhino’s achilles heel just like it is for Leroy in The Challenge and water for the Aliens is Signs (spoiler alert as well as worst movie twist ever alert). You gotta tip your hat when a combatant defends it’s home turf, whether it’s Ruskies fighting off the Nazis in the cold Russian winter or a hippo drowning a rhino in 6 inches of water. I don’t feel like I lost this bet, I feel like the hippo won it.

I would also like to apologize to Young Pageviews for publishing this video of animal violence. I know he doesn’t love stuff like this. But I need Ben McAdoo to get as many animal fight scenes for his pregame speeches before next season kicks off and I don’t feel bad for any other living creature on this Earth after those Porzingis rumors hit the internet.

P.S. The note at the end of that video was like when Poochie dies on The Simpsons. No kill shot or anything. I feel robbed.